Dear G Philly: Answering Reader Questions

You ask. We tell.

I’ve been in a relationship for two years. I’ve never taken a girlfriend home for the holidays, but I would like to introduce her to my family at Christmas. I think she’s the one. Any advice on how to deal with the haters?

Congratulations to you and your girlfriend on two years going strong. Some would say in “gay years” that equals, like, eight years (half kidding). While it’s certainly admirable wanting to introduce your significant other to your family, we all know the holidays can be quite stressful on everyone from your drunk uncle to your fussy sister.

My first question would be: Does your family already know you’re gay? If so, then fortunately you won’t have to have that conversation at the same time you introduce everyone to your lovely lady friend.

If you’re not out to your family yet, then I would suggest having that conversation before Christmas. It’s usually best not to come out of the closet between passing the dinner rolls and that second refrain of “Come All Ye Faithful.” Instead, consider having a personal, more intimate conversation with your family first. If anything, you owe it to your girlfriend not to put her smack in the middle of a potential emotional firing range.

If you already know your family is accepting of your sexuality (let’s get with it, families) then let them know in advance that you’d like to introduce them to someone special. Whether you’re bringing a friend – or lover – it’s common courtesy to give mom or dad the heads up so they know how many places to set at the table. Trust me, you don’t want to end up at the kid’s table. They don’t serve wine at the kid’s table.

Otherwise my only advice is to have fun and enjoy the holidays. If you have a good relationship with your family (or at least a so-so one) chances are these people will like your girlfriend almost as much as you do. It’s my hope they make you both feel welcomed, happy and loved – and that you all have a very happy holiday together.

As for the haters, don’t let them get you down. Stay strong and confident and kind. And don’t get too drunk so that arguments ensue over the punch bowl.

Oh, and don’t forget to bring something nice for your mom and/or dad – or whoever is hosting Christmas. You may think you’re gifting your fabulous girlfriend, but most people like booze, candy and presents, too – even the haters.

I’m always online meeting guys. Like most guys I know, I do it a lot. But my best friend thinks it’s a problem. I think it’s fun and is a lot less of a hassle than meeting guys in bars. Don’t most guys hookup online?

Are you asking me if a lot of gay men meet online or if you have a sexual addiction problem? I can answer the first question. Yes, a lot of gay men go online to meet other gay men online. That’s why we have a proliferation of sites like ManHunt, phone apps like Grindr and the Men Seeking Men section of Craigslist.

What I can’t answer is if you have an addiction problem. While some therapists believe sex poses a real addiction for people, others do not agree. Gay author Benoit Denizet-Lewis wrote a book about addiction called America Anonymous. The book collects stories from people struggling with all sorts of addictions – the author himself even discusses his own issues with sex addiction. I’d recommend reading this book and seeking other resources (online and off) that may help you decide if this interest of yours in online hookups is somehow impacting your life in a negative way.

You may also want to ask yourself: How much time do you spend online? Do you spend more time online than with friends, family and other loved ones in your life? Do you blow off work and appointments to go online or to hookup with someone you met online? How long can you go without being online or having sex? How many men do you meet online on average each month, week or even day?

It’s also important that you take the proper precautions meeting anyone you don’t know. Are you practicing safe sex? Where are you meeting these men? Do you ever put yourself in danger?

In the end, it doesn’t really come down to what your best friend thinks. It matters what you think and how you feel about what you’re doing and the impact this behavior has on your life and person. But if your friend – someone who undoubtedly cares for you – is concerned about your behavior, you owe it to yourself to reflect a bit and maybe take some time out (to log off) and to reevaluate. It’s the holiday season after all. There’s no better time than to power down and have a little old-fashioned fun. You never know you who you may meet under the mistletoe.

Good luck and be safe.

Got a question for G Philly? Send it to nmcdonald@phillymag.com.