TSA Makes Air Travel Seem Like Bad Reality TV

Nipples and ball sacs should be squeezed in the privacy of one’s own home

When the Secretary of State says she wouldn’t want to be felt up at an airport, you know something’s about to blow at the TSA.

As she made the Sunday talk-show rounds, Hillary Clinton was asked if she would submit to one of the Transportation Security Administration’s controversial new precautionary procedures called, quaintly, the “pat-down.”

“Not if I could avoid it. No. I mean, who would?” she told CBS’s Bob Schieffer on Face the Nation.

Give ‘em hell, Hil!

Mammograms and prostate exams performed by scary strangers in uniform might be business as usual in a Turkish prison, but they just won’t do in a United States airport.

As Jon Stewart might say, nipples and ball sacs should be squeezed in the privacy of one’s own home.

Secretary Clinton went on to explain that pat-downs, while overly intrusive, are still a necessary security measure in America’s ongoing effort to fly the friendly skies.

Really?  I’d like to be there when some beleaguered TSA agent tries to play patty cake with  Mrs. Clinton’s bodacious ta-tas. Or makes a sudden move to give Joe Biden’s tea bag a squeeze. The Lipton Lunge, as it were.

On second thought, I wouldn’t want to be there. I do, however, have a fantasy in which I am the next person in line as Sarah Palin or Ann Coulter or John Boehner or Rush Limbaugh are getting grabbed and groped. Hell, I’d even pat down the ladies myself.

The good news is that civilians everywhere are striking back. A man and a woman in different cities stripped down to their undies rather than have their privates patted, and another female lifted her dress to reveal see-through panties. (Check them out on YouTube.)

As if flying weren’t already a total drag, the feds have upped the ick factor by transforming the security line from a mild annoyance to a clothing-optional reality show.

Now playing at an airport near you: Pat-down at Project Runway.