Just Say No, Christine O’Donnell
I am not a witch.
I am not an adulterous masturbator.
I am not a wing nut.
I am not lovin’ in the coven.
I did not go to Yale.
I did not go to Oxford.
I did not go to Princeton.
I did not go to Claremont Graduate University.
I did not stiff Fairleigh Dickinson on tuition.
I did not nominate brainy mice for scholarships.
I did not “pray away the gay” for tormented sodomites.
I did not have (much) pre-marital sex.
I did not get married.
I am you.
“… as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly.
You are not me, Christine O’Donnell.
You are the walrus, sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.
Goo goo g’joob.
GAIL SHISTER, TV columnist for the Inquirer for 25 years, teaches writing at Penn and is a columnist for tvnewser.com. She writes for The Philly Post on Tuesdays.