Beauty Sleep or Botox? Only Her Doctor Knows for Sure

Plus: How to have a bon voyage with your new boyfriend

Dear Monica,
I am in my late 40’s and divorced. I feel like that I am really starting to look my age (people keep saying that I look tired). What is your opinion on Botox or other non-surgical remedies? —S.M. , Harleysville
If Botox and other cosmetic offerings are in your budget, then why not go for it? I do caution you, that more often than not, women don’t stop injecting until they’ve morphed into Joan Rivers. If you want to look “rested” and natural, you have to really express this to your doctor and go very easy on the injections. You don’t want your eyebrows touching your hairline or the tip of your eyebrow going into Vulcan mode. The permanently surprised look that some cosmetic touch-up junkies have can be frightening. If you choose to do Restylane around your mouth be careful not to take it to chipmunk extremes.

Next time you are going out, take a look at the majority of the women around you. So many look the same, taking on the appearance of expressionless mannequins! The ultimate goal in successfully pulling this off is to not give off the appearance that you did anything. All the viewing public needs to see is that you look great. They can’t put their finger on it. Perhaps you simply managed to catch up on all of your beauty sleep!

Dear Monica,
I am thinking about going on a trip with my boyfriend of two months. What do you think about my doing this and can you offer any tips? —Z.F., Swarthmore

A trip with a the new man in your life could either prove to be a wonderful adventure that will move your relationship to the next level, or it could be a complete nightmare that will have you finding your own ride home. Traveling together can test the most solid of relationships, let alone a new one. Think of it as a crash course in living together. You will be in on another’s space 24/7. We’re talking early morning bathroom time, night rituals and more. If you decide to go, follow these guidelines:

  • Plan to be in the room an hour early after your day out so you can get ready in privacy for your evening activity.
  • If you need some time alone, see if there is a gym facility where you are staying and use the shower there.
  • Don’t be embarrassed to beautify if there is a spa.
  • Make sure to give him the same leeway that you are taking. If he wants to hit nine holes of golf, tell him to go for it.
  • Take notice of his ability, and yours, to compromise on activities that you do together. For example, if you are not a daredevil, don’t feel obliged to strap into a bungee jump harness.
  • Pack both sexy lingerie and flannel PJs. Your bedtime dress code will give him the message of how things are going.

The upside to vacationing together is that you’ll get a clearer sense of who he is and how the two of you co-habitate. The downside is that you could potentially be stuck in a far-away locale with one bed, one bath and someone who is irritating you to no end!

Monica Mandell, Ph.D. is the Director of the Philadelphia office of Selective Search, the premiere (off-line) upscale matchmaking firm for the most eligible singles.  Please send your questions to: