Dating Secrets for Dudes: 7 Ways to Land (and Keep) a Hot Date

Single and clueless? Here's how to get your act together

Dear Monica,
I have not had great luck over the years as far as my dating history goes. I am not sure what exactly I am doing wrong. What are women looking for when on a date?
—H. M., Philadelphia
Through your smooth moves, incredible charm, and good looks, you’ve landed yourself a hot date. The key now is to make a great first impression. Without this, your chances of her even giving you the time of day, let alone a second date, are slim. The secret to impressing your date isn’t an expensive car, expensive restaurants or even name-dropping. These are merely superficial gold-digger magnets. So what is the magic button for women, which will land you a second date, her heart, and everything else in between?

Paying Attention To Detail (PATD). The guys who do well with women know these maneuvers inside and out. What is PATD?

  • Actually have a plan for where you’re going. If it’s dinner, make reservations. Try a hip neighborhood BYOB as opposed to a loud see-and-be-seen place with a thumping dance track. If you have something in mind for afterwords, plan that as well. Don’t throw out three or four options and tell her to choose. Make a decision and follow through, she will appreciate that.
  • Call the day of the date by 4p.m. to confirm plans, so she knows you’re not blowing her off. If you must cancel, give her ample notice so the night isn’t ruined. And since you’re canceling, be proactive about setting a new date, so she knows you’re for real about wanting to take her out.
  • When you pick her up, offer sincere compliments.  Chances are that she took the time to look good for you. Let her know her efforts paid off.
  • Walk at her pace. She may be wearing sexy, strappy, but unsteady shoes, so stay by her side when walking to your destination. Don’t make her walk to the car if it’s more than a few blocks away. If going by cab, remember the seats are often torn and can rip delicate fabric. Climb in first and scoot over.
  • During the date, keep your cell phone off. If you forget and it rings, shut it down without checking who called and apologize.
  • Take the seat in a restaurant facing the wall so your date can have the view, and your full attention. Be sure to keep the tab to yourself even if the bill hurts like nobody’s business.
  • Big Bozo No No: Don’t stare at every other woman as they pass by. Concentrate on your date. And don’t mistake concentration for staring at her boobs.

Lastly, if you’ve employed PATD and dazzled her with your personality, you’ll most likely be invited in afterwords. PATD goes for the bedroom too, concentrate on giving as well as taking. This is what separates you from the pack and earns you a Gold Medal in Mastering Man Manners.

And always, always call the day after you’ve been intimate.

Monica Mandell, Ph.D. is the Director of the Philadelphia office of Selective Search, the premiere (off-line) upscale matchmaking firm for the most eligible singles.  Please send your questions to: