Is My Boyfriend Gay?

Plus: Back off, sister! Siblings battle over boys

Dear Monica,
I am seeing this guy who is extremely metrosexual. He is way into the latest fashion trends, listens to girly emo music and enjoys shopping for shoes online. However, the kisses are good and the sex isn’t all that bad. So how can I be sure he is really into me and not using me as his beard? —S.N. -Mt. Airy

As women, we have a chip inside of us where deep down we know if a guy is truly into us or not. Many times, we overlook intuition because we want the companionship. While there is nothing wrong with a man who over grooms or enjoys finding a great pair of shoes for himself, I think that over time you will get a sense of his level of interest.

Keep your antenna up. When you walk into a room does he ever check out a pretty woman or make a comment about a woman’s body, or does his attention focus towards the men and all things male? If he is focused on evaluating if the men in the room are good looking and gets more passionate about them versus the women, it could be a matter of connecting the dots. In the meantime, without sounding like your mom, practice safe sex. Eventually you’ll determine if he’s your guy or if you are a diversion.

Dear Monica,
My younger sister always seems to be attracted to the men that I am dating.  I’m not entirely sure, but I feel like when she hears me talk about the guys I’m into, she tries to compete! I want my sister to be there for support, but I feel like she is trying to hit on my guy. How do I tell my sister to back off? —J.B., West Chester, PA

Sisters, especially when close in age, can produce some of the most complicated dynamics. Even if it goes unsaid, the sibling rivalry between two attractive sisters can boil up inside and become explosive! Since she is family, you need to be straight with her about how her interactions with the guys you date makes you feel. It could be that she is not aware of how she is behaving, and not understanding her actions as being flirty and suggestive. When you bring it up with her, ask her to consider how she would react if the tables were turned. Until your issues with sis have been resolved, I would advise that you keep your sister at a bit of a distance from anyone you feel strongly about.

Monica Mandell, Ph.D. is the Director of the Philadelphia office of Selective Search, the premiere (off-line) upscale matchmaking firm for the most eligible singles.  Please send your questions to: