If You’re Not Having Sex, Is It Still Cheating?

Plus: What to do when someone else is drinking and driving ... with your kids in the car

I am divorced and have been very friendly with a married man. We get together for dinner and drinks. We have not had sex, just hugging and kissing. I think I am doing nothing wrong. My friends tell me I am doing something very wrong. What do you think? —L.N., Bryn Mawr

Your friends are absolutely right. You are doing something very wrong (and they are probably keeping you away from their husbands as well). Maybe you should ask your companion’s wife her opinion of your behavior.

How would you feel if a woman was cheating with your man? You are single. You can see whomever you want and do whatever you want. If he were hiding his wedding ring that would be one thing, but you know that he is not on the market. You are just as guilty of cheating as he is. If you are still unclear about what to do, and how to behave, my suggested reading to you would be the Ten Commandments: adultery is number seven on the not-to-do list. You might feel better about yourself if you spent time with someone that you could have a future with, and not destroy a family in the process.

Dear Monica,
My teenage daughter went out with her friends and the parents drove. She told me that the parents were drinking before they took the kids to their destination. Should I say something? —S.D., Philadelphia

Yes, you should definitely say something. Whether the parents had one glass of wine or a bottle before driving the kids, it is totally irresponsible to be drinking at all before putting passengers in your car. The choice to be reckless with your own children is bad enough, but to put other people’s children in jeopardy is beyond the pale. We teach our children to have designated drivers. Are the parents exempt from this? Not only would I call the parents and rip them a new one, but I would not let my child in a care with them for a long time, if ever.

Monica Mandell, Ph.D. is the Director of the Philadelphia office of Selective Search, the premiere (off-line) upscale matchmaking firm for the most eligible singles.  Please send your questions to: monica@selectivesearch-inc.com