I’m Annoyed at Eminem
Who are rappers so pissed off at?
Look, I like a lot of rap, I really do. For a middle-aged white guy not raised on it, I have more than a fair amount of it on my iPod. I find the beats fun, the sampling creative, and many of the voices captivating and charismatic.
BUT WHO ARE THEY SO PISSED OFF AT? On SO many tracks, there is a constant undercurrent of “woe is me, the whole world hates me” vibe. And for the life of me I can never figure out who they’re talking about. If it’s a chick or the government, I get that. Marvin Gaye recorded tons of brokenhearted songs and Green Day is always pissed at the government. We can ALL identify with that feeling. [SIGNUP]
Rappers? It’s always ME ME ME. There’s never empathy towards anyone else but themselves. It’s always about how misunderstood and hated they are when most people have no idea who they (the rapper himself) or their “problem” even is to begin with. Who has the time to understand the depths of depression Eminem is facing?
Let’s take a look at his latest single, “Not Afraid.” I dig it. It’s really catchy with a strong hook. (Dag! I’m sounding like I’m grading a record on American Bandstand) But lyrically it’s the same old shit.
The song is basically about Eminem’s recent bout with painkillers. His last CD, Relapse , treaded on the same ground, but with a lot more anger. On “Not Afraid,” Em’s shooting to be more inspirational by helping out others who are have the same pharmaceutical problem. He talks about walking the road and facing the storm TOGETHER. (Gee, maybe he should redo “Climb Every Mountain” from The Sound of Music. Now that’s a Broadway show I would buy a ticket to.)
All of this sounds cool so far, si? But then he gets to the second verse and it’s like he just can’t help himself. He starts reminding YOU that he is going to help out others with this pill popping problem and he don’t give a fuck if that upsets YOU. YOU can’t stop him.
Who in hell is this YOU he’s talking bout? Who would get angry at this? It’s like Em believes that as soon as the song hit the streets cellphones will begin buzzing all around the world.
“Hey, Big D. You ain’t gonna believe what Eminem’s up to on his latest song.”
“The asshole’s trying to help out people strung put on painkillers and he doesn’t even care how much that upsets you.”
“THAT NO GOOD BASTARD!”
There is so much out-of-control ego going on here I don’t know where to start. First up, my 87-year-old Aunt Connie has had trouble with painkillers. Who the hell hasn’t? But excuuuuuse me, until Emiem had a problem with them, i didn’t even know the problem existed. GROW UP! You might as well rap about a hangnail.
Secondly, who would have a problem with the message of this track? NOBODY! But good ol’ Em makes sure that he reminds you that he’ll frickin’ kill anyone who gets in his way before he allows anyone to stop him from delivering this groundbreaking message. It’s hysterical.
But it’s not just Eminem. It’s not just hip-hop. It’s politicians, CEOs, professional athletes. Anyone who gets their hand caught in the cookie jar lashes out at the “haters” of the world out to get them instead of just taking their lumps silently like a man. It’s the old deflection trick. To make matters worse, the haters get a tonguelashing before anyone says a word about anything. And in most cases, no one was gonna say anything TO BEGIN WITH!
The tabloids are full of headlines like,
MARIE OSMOND’S BRAVE BATTLE WITH POST MORDUM DEPRESSION
BRETT FAVRE’S LINES UP AGAINST PERCOCET
VALERIE BERTINELLI TAKES ON MOZZARELLA STICKS IN THE FIGHT OF HER LIFE!
I could give you countless more examples, but I’m having trouble with my laptop, so screw off. Don’t get pissed at me because I can afford a laptop. HOW DARE YOU!!!
The next public show that I’m doing will be at cofffee.comedy in Sea Isle on Sat. nite, July 24th at 9pm. It’s a great venue to see me do my thing cuz it only seats 100 and it always sells out, so make your reservations now by calling 609-263-5282. That’s 609-263-JAVA.