Hey Chirl: Help! My Boyfriend Wants to Have a Threesome With a Woman

I’ve been dating a great guy for a few months, and think I may be in love. Now the problem: He’s just been offered a job in L.A. I worry we don’t have enough time behind us to make it in a long-distance relationship. Am I nuts to even try?

Chirl, absence not only makes the heart grow fonder; it also drives it totally nuts. You haven’t hit the “reality” phase of your relationship yet (You’re still moony, and good for you), and that means your foundation for trust to survive weeks apart is going to be mushy at best. But you know what? Try it. Sometimes love does conquer all. And if you don’t try it, you’ll always wonder what might have happened if you had.

Last week my boyfriend stunned me by announcing he wanted to try a threesome — with a woman. To say I have no interest is putting it mildly. Do I owe it to him to give it a whirl?

Chirl, when it comes to sex, we all want to be adventuresome and open. (At least my Arthur does … I didn’t even know there was a “naughty garbage collector” fantasy.) But that doesn’t mean you’ve got to slather yourself in Hershey’s syrup or dress up like a panda every time hubby’s mood strikes a new note. Threesomes are tough enough scenarios (Jealousy, anyone?) with another guy; don’t indulge in one if you’re not 100 percent comfortable. You’ll only feel like what you’ll be: the third wheel.

I keep having amazing chats and emails with guys I meet online, only to always have it all fizzle when we finally meet in person. What am I doing wrong here?

Chirl, simple: You’re having amazing chats and emails. Online dating is not meant to be literal: You’re not supposed to create an avatar and linger in a cyberspace coffee shop forever. After all, you may go to the market and look at what’s on the shelf and check the ingredients, but you don’t stand there for days dithering before you open the package! Too much texting, chatting and emailing creates a false intimacy that’s almost impossible to maintain once your real meeting arrives, making any bubbling chemistry vanish. The next time you find someone intriguing, skip all the small talk, make a coffee date for the next day, and go.

My boyfriend’s ex is between apartments and wants to crash with us. I’ve always been afraid there is still something between them, but I don’t want to be a bitch. Should I let him move in?

No.

I think I am falling for my best friend. But we’ve been friends a long time. Does this sort of thing really ever happen?

Chirl, in movies, yes, or else Katherine Heigl would be unemployed. In real life, not so much. But you never know unless you try. Tell him how you feel. It sure beats suffering in silence as you watch him fall for someone else.

Got a question, Chirl? Send an email to twink@phillymag.com.

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