Blind Quote: One Of The Best “I’m-Not-Coming-To-Work” Excuses We’ve Heard In A Long Time

We’ve all been there. It’s 7 a.m., your alarm clock is going off, you’re still feeling the effects of yesterday’s nightcaps, and the Hollister report is due at 11 a.m. Screw it, you say, leaving your boss a message that you’re not coming in. But you can’t call in sick, because you sure did seem okay at last night’s office happy hour. You’ve reached the food-poisoning-excuse annual limit. And you’re reluctant to say that a pipe burst or that Nana’s ill, because, well, you believe in karma just a little.

Whatever you do, don’t follow in the footsteps of the local chef who brings us an example of what not to do. According to sources inside a popular Philadelphia tavern, their chef recently called out sick for his evening shift, leaving the kitchen in a huge lurch. His excuse? No, not food poisoning. Not a burst pipe. No, according to sources, the infirm chef reported the following: “I tore open my hand opening a bag of Doritos and am on my way to the hospital.”

Needless to say, the chef is currently seeking employment.