“I Think My Stomach Just Committed Suicide”

Leave it to one of the willowy gals in the Art Department at Philadelphia Magazine to say such a mean thing about such a delicious sandwich. And she didn’t even try it. I merely told her the contents of what I had for lunch today or, rather, what I had a bite of.

Meet the Charlie Brown, one of the more awful sounding offerings on the newish menu at Jake’s Sandwich Board, which, I have to say, is one of the best sandwich shops in Philadelphia. Hands down.

The Charlie Brown is — are you ready for this? — a ridiculous combination of: rib-eye steak (otherwise known in these parts as cheesesteak meat); thick-cut bacon that’s just a little undercooked so as to have a nice, chewy texture and taste like bacon, not burnt flesh; fresh peanut butter produced by 13th Street’s Nuts To You (where I endorse the unsalted popcorn and their “Totally Raw” nut mixture for lunch); and melted cheddar cheese (comes from shredded product — it’s not Whiz). This hefty assortment is served on a seeded roll from Carangi Bakery in South Philly.

The verdict, as a more open minded gal in the office put it, is that this is a particularly “awesome” bastardization of a cheesesteak if you can just get over the thought of what you’re putting into your body, which is a whole lot of mess. She adds that it’s quite salty, but not in a bad way.

I agree with her on all points. Though I walked away when she started wondering what it would taste like if they replaced the cheese with something a little sweet like, say, jelly. My dear, it is at this point that our adventurous spirits must part ways, though I’m sure the boys at Jake’s will gladly fulfill your strangest desires. It’s what they do.

Photo: Zoey Sless-Kitain