Taco Bell’s “Meat” Is Actually Meat–At Least Legally

Remember a couple months back when everyone was in an uproar over a lawsuit claiming that the meat being used by Taco Bell was not actually meat at all, but rather some kind of mysterious meat-like substance which did not meet the legally required minimum percentage of beef to actually be called “seasoned beef”? Remember the fun we all had trying to guess exactly what Taco Bell was filling its chalupas with that was so artificial and processed and full of additives and fillers that it couldn’t even legally be called meat?

Yeah, well guess what? Everything is okay now because that lawsuit has been dropped!

On Monday, plaintiff Amanda Obney dropped the class action suit after meeting with Taco Bell representatives and getting them to agree to make “certain undisclosed marketing changes to its promotion of ‘seasoned beef,'” according to a statement by her attorney.

Now go back and read that last sentence again.

It doesn’t say that Taco Bell is going to change their taco filling. It doesn’t even say that new evidence had come to light exonerating the company and proving that their beef actually was beef and not just soy lecithin, chemical stabilizers, texturized vegetable protein and shredded back-issues of Hustler. As a matter of fact, Obney dropped the lawsuit before Taco Bell had to disclose anything about the ingredients in its meat or prove that it actually had enough meat in it to even be called “taco meat filling” (legal minimum according to US guidelines: 40%). And now that the lawsuit has gone away, Taco Bell is almost gloatingly announcing that no money changed hands during the progression of the case and that it will be doing absolutely nothing to change its products.According to the company, it never really had to. Not because its product was so awesome and meaty and full of ground beef, but because Obney could not possibly know the actual proportion of meat in Taco Bell’s secret taco filling and so could not prove her claim.

Taco Bell’s legal defense strategy: If you don’t know what you’re eating, how can you tell that we’re lying? That’s why we keep it a secret.

I think I’m going to have pizza for dinner tonight.