Ask the Experts: On the Mark
Advice from wedding consultant Mark Kingsdorf
- istockphoto
When we get stumped, we turn to master bridal consultant, owner of Philly’s Queen of Hearts Wedding Consultants and wedding etiquette guru extraordinaire, Mark Kingsdorf. This issue, he tackles the confusion regarding all those thank-you notes.
Q: Once and for all: How long is too long for sending out your thanks?
A good rule of thumb is to not use the gift until you’ve written the note. But no more than two to three months after receiving it, for sure.
Q: Should you send notes to people who send gifts before your wedding? Or pretend you aren’t opening them till afterwards, and send them then?
You should open gifts as you get them, because some might be meant for use at your wedding, like toasting flutes or cake servers. So send the notes and get them out of the way.
Q: If you hate something and plan to return it, should you still mention how much you like it, even if the giver will never see it in your home?
You should always acknowledge what the gift was, but if you didn’t love it, don’t gush, just thank. If they didn’t give off your registry or know your taste, they probably aren’t ever really in your home to notice it’s missing. Or, you can always keep things in drawers.
Q: Once and for all: How long is too long for sending out your thanks?
A good rule of thumb is to not use the gift until you’ve written the note. But no more than two to three months after receiving it, for sure.
Q: Should you send notes to people who send gifts before your wedding? Or pretend you aren’t opening them till afterwards, and send them then?
You should open gifts as you get them, because some might be meant for use at your wedding, like toasting flutes or cake servers. So send the notes and get them out of the way.
Q: If you hate something and plan to return it, should you still mention how much you like it, even if the giver will never see it in your home?
You should always acknowledge what the gift was, but if you didn’t love it, don’t gush, just thank. If they didn’t give off your registry or know your taste, they probably aren’t ever really in your home to notice it’s missing. Or, you can always keep things in drawers.
Originally published in Philadelphia Wedding, Fall/Winter 2010
