Did you miss me? Maybe you were just too busy eating leftovers or participating in a die-in? Well, if you’ve gotten that white guilt out of your system, maybe now we can return to our normal lives of complaining about things like bagel places that give you a tiny little tub of cream cheese instead of spreading it on your bagel for you. More importantly, we can talk about Top Chef.
Since we have to wait two weeks until the inevitable disaster that is Restaurant Wars, I decided to hold off a bit on this recap so you could avoid the Top Chef shakes (guys, don’t tell my editor, but I’m actually just a lazy sonofabitch who failed to get to this until now-ish. Sorry, Jason.).
But anyway, the holidays are upon us! So what does that mean in Top Chef TV-land? That’s right! Thanksgiving in the middle of the summer. And since, apparently, outfitting the cheftestants with old-timey elephant guns and sending them on a turkey shoot was disallowed by the lawyers and insurance adjustors, what do we end up with? Right again! A cranberry bog race.
You guys are smart.
We’re getting close to the halfway point, folks, and it’s anybody’s game.
And by “anybody,” I mean Hipster Urkel or Voltaggio’s protégé, Mei. Everybody else will slowly be picked off the Top Chef vine like so many sour grapes.
Okay, I take it back. Grissom’s not gonna sleep with Keriann. He’s gonna sleep with Katsuji. Hate turns into love faster than you can burn bacon, or so I’m told. I’m a marginal cook at best, certainly nowhere near this crop of cheftestants, who get to cook at Cheers for this week’s quickfire. Doug, the little guy, thinks that one of the most highly rated sitcoms in the history of sitcoms was based in Chicago because people had moustaches (is he confusing Ted Danson with Tom Selleck?). At the risk of aging myself, this—along with their sense of entitlement and their general being younger than me-ness—is what’s wrong with millenials.
Sorry for the delay on this one, folks. I had a real tough time tracking down my “Sexy Bowl of Ramen” Halloween costume for my weekend’s festivities. But enough about my First World struggles–let’s get to the topic of today’s discussion: this season’s class of hopeful young (and one bitter old) cheftestants.
Episode 3 begins with some residual bickering between Keriann and Grissom. Turns out Grissom has an 8 Mile story about his childhood and that’s why he acts like an adult-sized baby and secretly loves Keriann. These two are definitely going to sleep together before the season’s over. It’s only a question of when…
Okay, you can throw last week’s racing form out the window. My snap judgments didn’t exactly hold (rather similar to Aaron Grissom’s bourbon onion “jam,” but more on that later…).
We have learned some very new and exciting things about the cheftestants, like the fact Sarah McLachlan superfan, James Rigato, has a PATRICK SWAYZE tattoo. Not sure I would have gone for The Outsiders (I’m more of a Point Break guy), but stay gold, cheffy boy.
The Top Chef Handicaper’s Recap:
Because I’m super thorough and one hell of a researcher, I’m arming myself with only the premiere of Top Chef Boston to handicap the cheftestants’ odds of winning and make snap judgments based on their looks. If you sat through Richard Blais’ maiden voyage as judge (good for him) and tried to see who’s who on your own, perhaps we can have ourselves a dialogue in the comments (or you could tell me how worthless this recap is–internet’s free if you have a library card). For now though, let’s take a look at the field, none of whom will be representing our fair city (closest thing we got is a birth certificate from Coatesville) this season (sucks to your assmar, Bravo).
Bravo brings back Jennifer Carroll for tonight’s episode of “Top Chef Duels.” The Philadelphia native battles Los Angeles chef, Nyesha Arrington. The newest edition to Bravo’s “Top Chef” franchise is on Wednesdays at 10 p.m.
On Friday, August 22nd, the first ever Cooking Up Couture event is happening in Philadelphia. The event food and fashion showcase is hosted by Jen Groover and will featured hand-crafted cocktails as well as bites from some of Philadelphia’s hottest chefs, including Top Chef winner Nick Elmi (Laurel), Chopped champion Georgeann Leaming (SUPPA) and Brad Spence (Amis). Proceeds will benefit Philabundance. The event is being hosted at Front & Palmer, 1750 N Front Street and runs from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m.
Tickets are on sale now for $75 per person but we’re lucky enough to be giving away a pair to a lucky Foobooz reader.
There was this moment, shortly after the finale of Top Chef: New Orleans had aired, shortly after Nick Elmi had been named the winner, when another chef walked up to him at one of the big food events in town, shook his hand, congratulated him, and asked him what the hell he was thinking, opening a 22-seat restaurant.
Because, seriously? When you win Top Chef, you suddenly become one of the most famous chefs in America. At least temporarily. Shoot, even losing on the show can be enough to raise you up out of obscurity and turn you into a brand — a known name who can draw down the dollars just by having been featured on the jumping box for a few hours. Cookbook deals, product endorsements, cruise-ship gigs — it all comes to you. And a big-ass restaurant with high-volume turnover on the floor? Of course. That’s just a given.