This weekend marks the tenth anniversary of Janet Jackson’s infamous “wardrobe malfunction” during the Super Bowl halftime show in 2004.
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We here at Shoppist are passionate about sports. This probably comes across in posts like this (it can be cold out there on the field!) and this. So it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that today, in honor of the Super Bowl which we hear is on Sunday, we compiled a complete ranking of all the teams in the NFL. We spent countless hours deliberating and, yes, sometimes it got heated. But after filtering each team through the same set of considerations (use of color, use of graphics, proper employment of metallics, font choice, neckline, helmet design, execution of figure-flattering design i.e. stripes on leg, and shoe choice) we are proud to present you with The Official Ranking Of Every Team Uniform In The NFL. (Also, if you’re a betting reader, you might want to take into consideration our number one choice. A good-looking uniform goes a long way. Just sayin’.) Go team!
#1 Seattle Seahawks
The Super Bowl contenders win for their bold use of neon, which stands out on the field and gives a streamlined, athletic look. Bonus for the detail on the outer thigh, and the splash of neon on the shoe. "It creates a cohesive look," says an editor.
#2 Jacksonville Jaguars, Helmet Detail
The Jaguars easily take second place thanks to their fantastic helmets, which have distinct Cartier leanings, and display an awesome use of matte black, which fades into a shimmery gold metallic. We would actually wear this out, if, you know, helmets were a thing.
#2 Jacksonville Jaguars
We also love the Jaguars' matte black uniforms. They feel very modern, and are refreshingly free of jarring colors.
#3 Arizona Cardinals
This is a great use of monochromatic color. It's a streamlined look, and it's a beautiful shade of red.
#4 New Orleans Saints
The Saints run into fourth place for their use of metallic, and the way the stripe on the helmets reflects the stripe on the pants.
#5 St. Louis Rams
One of the best fonts in the league: It marries the modern athleticism of the NFL with retro '70s flair.
#6 San Diego Chargers
Best use of graphics. We love the curved line on the leg, which seems to silhouette the leg muscle, and the design on the shoulders.
#7 Cincinnati Bengals
The only team in the league to embrace animal print. We love it.
#8 Kansas City Chiefs
Though the white will get dirty very quickly, it creates a perfect contrast to the bright red numbers. Also, cute knee socks.
#9 Oakland Raiders
With their simple black and pale silver color combo, the Raiders are basically the LBD of the NFL. Keep it classy, guys.
#10 Tennessee Titans
The Titans show that pops of color don't need to contrast: The cornflower blue pairs perfectly with deep navy.
#11 Denver Broncos
The boomerang shape of the leg detail recalls the Nike swoosh. Smart, as Nike is the official uniform designer of the NFL. Also: Great employment of colorblocking.
#12 Dallas Cowboys
There's something to be said for metallic that doesn't overshadow the rest of the uniform.
#13 Buffalo Bills
White pants are a bold choice, but a dark set of stripes on the side creates a slimming illusion.
#14 Houston Texans
White pants seem to be everpresent in the NFL. The Texans realize that a classic, skinny navy pant never goes out of style.
#15 Philadelphia Eagles
The Eagles fly into the top half of our ranking, but unfortunately for them, that green shade (Is it forest? Teal?) just isn't flattering on everyone.
#16 Atlanta Falcons
The strong red sock-white pant-red jersey is an example of expert colorblocking. With all those colors below the neck, it's smart that they kept the helmet sleek.
#17 New England Patriots
It's patriotic without being cheesy. Also: Tom Brady.
#18 Minnesota Vikings
The purple would have worked better if it had been paired with a stronger contrasting color. Also, that V-neck skews more wimpy hipster than NFL tough.
#19 Baltimore Ravens
The Ravens' hot pink shoes—which they wore for breast cancer awareness—makes us feel better about their ho-hum uniforms.
#19 Baltimore Ravens
Here's a full look at the uniforms. Blah.
#20 San Francisco 49ers
We'd expect a gold pant to have a stronger presence, but with a white jersey and weak red accents, the look falls flat.
#21 Detroit Lions
We have to give them credit for using a fun color, but the knee-pad look cuts off the leg, which gives the illusion of stumpy pins.
#22 Pittsburgh Steelers
Um, wimpy font much? With the bright pant and simple white top, you'd expect the numbers to make more of an impact. Alas, they just feel puny.
#23 New York Giants
This is a prime example of how to stump-ify the leg. And maybe they should take a cue from the Cardinals if they really want to use red.
#24 Carolina Panthers
While we appreciate the slimming effect of the tapered accent on the leg, the blue accent color feels jarring, and like it belongs on another uniform.
#25 Indianapolis Colts
We're not fans of the double shoulder stripe. It makes the uniform feel dated.
#26 New York Jets
Like the Eagles, the green color of the Jets is far from flattering, and the cut of the shirt feels like they shoved some shoulder pads underneath a soccer jersey.
#27 Cleveland Browns
Could there be a more uninspiring color than brown? Also, the color combination feels totally dated, and not in a cool retro way.
#28 Chicago Bears
Another case of puny font. Guys, a too-small number just makes your torso look wide and bulky.
#29 Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Worst. Pant Color. Ever.
#30 Washington Redskins
Paging Ronald McDonald.
#31 Green Bay Packers
The Packers exemplify how to ruin a classic uniform with poor color choices.
#32 Miami Dolphins
And here, the most unstylish uniform in the NFL. The turquoise and orange combo feels horrifically '80s, the pants make the legs look stumpy, and the shoes are completely uninspired.
The Star-Ledger reports: “Federal, state and local officials are investigating reports of white powder being sent to multiple hotels near Met Life Stadium, just two days before the Super Bowl, according to authorities.”
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Dan McQuade has calculated the length of Rocky Balboa’s run, pleaded for Blue Ivy to marry the Royal Baby and chronicled his condom purchases. Join him on his most embarrassing assignment yet: Covering Wing Bowl 22.
Wing Bowl 22 is in the books and 120-pound Molly Schuyler has won with a record-breaking performance. See Dan’s full Twitter report here.
Get this: People are selling sex and drugs to the rich tourists in New York for Super Bowl week! It doesn’t always go so smoothly: Today police began arresting 18 individuals wanted for selling sex and cocaine “party packs.” The investigation took 11 months.
The scheme, says New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman’s office, was similar to the one that ensnared John Bolaris in 2010.
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There is no argument: Everyone loves a good Super Bowl party. Honestly, you don’t even have to be into football to enjoy Super Bowl Sunday; with all the gambling, trash-talking, snacks and beer, you’re bound to have a good time. But then Monday morning rolls around and you realize, “Holy cow, I consumed at least 7,872 calories yesterday and I really don’t see myself being able to button my pants today.” That part’s not so fun.
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- Forget the football stuff. This is the important question: What will reporter Erin Andrews wear on the Super Bowl sidelines on Sunday? See her outfit options here. [Glamour]
- Bangs are a big risk: Love ‘em and you’re good to go. Hate ‘em and you’ve got a long grow-out process ahead of you. Be prepared with this best-ever roundup of all the bangs that every celebrity has ever had (or so it seems). So, tell me, do you want the Hayden or the Rashida? [BellaSugar]
- Better look carefully before you buy that Super Bowl jersey. Feds seized a ton of counterfeit merch (to the tune of $21.6 million). Remember: Knockoffs are never in fashion. [Huffington Post]
More stories coming right up.
The Inquirer reports that the Eagles are ready to pursue hosting a Super Bowl—provided this weekend’s cold-weather matchup in New Jersey doesn’t turn out to be a frozen disaster for the NFL. Team president Don Smolenski says he’s ready to give it a try.
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6ABC reports Philadelphia Police will be on hand for Sunday’s Super Bowl in New Jersey: “The Philadelphia Police Department’s Counter-Terrorist Unit is a key part of the security plan for the Big Game. It is a plan that will include a total of 3,000 law-enforcement professionals. New Jersey State Police made sure to bring in Philadelphia’s Anti-Terror Unit because it is one of only a handful across the country with the technology, equipment, and training needed to secure an event of the Super Bowl’s magnitude.”
EVERYBODY PANIC! The Super Bowl may be disrupted by…cold weather.
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