The Four Worst Philly Sports Teams

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In the end, the Sixers even sucked at sucking.

They ended their season Wednesday night just as they started it: with a victory over the defending NBA champion Miami Heat. Given that everybody knew going into the season that the plan was to stink up the joint as much as possible, those two wins are … unforgivable? Because they helped give the Sixers only the second-worst record in the NBA this season — which means the even more putrid Milwaukee Bucks now have the best chance of capturing the top pick — and, with it, perhaps a semblance of a future in professional basketball.

Blech.

Still, we’re not sure this is the worst season in Philly sports history. Yes, it was bad, but everybody knew to expect it. It’s the stomach-punch seasons — where expectations and achievement misalign badly — that should count. And there are lots of contenders for that prize. Here’s a nominee from each of the city’s major remaining pro teams:

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76ers Are Merely Putrid, Not Record-Breakingly Awful

Oh, thank God:

The 76ers snapped their NBA record-tying, 26-game losing streak, routing the Detroit Pistons123-98 on Saturday night to avoid establishing the longest skid in U.S. major pro sports history.

“It’s not something I want to be a part of,” 76ers guard Michael Carter-Williams said, “so it’s great that we got this win.”

Carter-Williams and Thaddeus Young each scored 21 points for the 76ers, who won for the first time since beating Boston exactly two months ago and did it impressively, leading by as many as 32 points. They also ended an 18-game home losing streak, which was one shy of another NBA record.

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GIFs: Sixers Lose NBA Record-Tying 26th Straight

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We did it! Or, rather, they did it.

Last night, the Sixers lost to the Rockets, the team’s 26th loss in a row. The last team to lose 26 in a row: The 2010-11 Cavaliers, who are now… aw, crap!

Sorry, I hate to keep bringing that up. But the Sixers could get two great players in this year’s draft. It’s a possibility! And last night wasn’t completely full of bad news.

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The 76ers Are Historically Bad

Maybe we should call them the 26ers, instead.

Sporting News reports: “Philly tied an NBA record Thursday night with its 26th consecutive loss, a 120-98 blowout defeat against the Rockets in Houston. Philadelphia (15-57) joins the 2010-11 (post-LeBron Decision) Cleveland Cavaliers with 26 in a row. The Sixers can set the mark Saturday at home against the Detroit Pistons (26-45).”

And what else is there to say?

Sixers Will Almost Certainly Equal All-Time NBA Losing Streak Tonight

It was January 29th, and Evan Turner hit a buzzer beater to lift the Sixers over the Celtics. Now it is March 27, and that Celtics triumph is the last time the 76ers won a game.

And tonight is our big night: With a loss to the Rockets tonight in Houston, the Sixers will tie the 2010-11 Cleveland Cavaliers for the most consecutive losses in NBA history at 26. But it’s all going to be worth it! The Cavaliers tanked the year they lost 26 straight and are now … 29-44? I guess tanking isn’t magic.

As you can expect, the Sixers are now getting national attention due to their futility: The Today show covered the team’s plight/rebuilding strategy on this morning’s program, complete with requisite snowballs at Santa reference and Ed Rendell and Jim Cramer quotes. Won’t the media talk to one of our other celebrity fans sometime, like the guy who wears the shoulder pads to the Eagles games?

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7 Presents Philadelphia Should’ve Given Pope Francis

Can you believe the mayor of Philadelphia went to the Vatican and gave the Pope a freaking football jersey?

Pope Francis actually got jerseys of six Philadelphia sports teams: The four major sports, a Union jersey — which is at least a sport that’s popular in both Italy and the former Jorge Mario Bergoglio’s native Argentina — and the St. Joe’s Prep football jersey above. Yes, the Pope now owns a Phillies jersey; he can dress like Macklemore.

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WATCH: The Sixers’ Futility in One GIF

So! Our beloved pro basketball franchise — which already holds the record for futility in a standard 82-game season, at 9-73 — is now one loss away from tying the all-time record for futility in consecutive games. Are you excited, Philadelphia?!

Last night, the Spurs toyed with the Sixers for a bit before pulling away for a 113-91 win. It was the 25th straight loss for the 76ers, one away from the Cavaliers’ 26-loss streak in the 2010-11 season.

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