Philadelphia Sex Diaries: I’m a Secret Dominatrix

It started with dirty panties.

I was inspired by a friend — and Orange Is the New Black — to sell my worn underwear on Craigslist. I’m a college senior with a 3.61 GPA and two internships. I don’t exactly have time for a job, and hawking my thongs online for $30 a pop was a quick way to earn some extra cash. Before long, I discovered FetLife, a social networking site where people interested in fetishism, BDSM and other triple-X pursuits can chat with each other and post photos and videos. It’s like the kinky love child of Facebook and Reddit.

I connected with a guy — 30-something, works as a consultant — who asked me to Skype with him. The deal: 20 minutes for $50 in Amazon gift cards. I accepted, nervous and unsure of what to expect. I slipped on a bathrobe and chugged a glass of wine as I raced around my apartment, trying to find the perfect setup. The kitchen table was too formal, and the coffee table was way too low. I ultimately landed in the bedroom — which I happen to share with a roommate. She sat, wide-eyed, on her bed, just out of the camera’s reach. But the consultant was less interested in seeing me naked than I’d anticipated. Instead, he wanted to see my feet. And … my toilet.

Confused, I moved to the bathroom — could my white porcelain Kohler really be considered sexy? — and awkwardly circled my laptop around the toilet rim. He asked me to describe how I’d make him clean it with his tongue. And then he asked to watch me spit. So began my foray into the world of domination.

It’s a far cry from my otherwise vanilla life. By day, I’m the quiet girl who blushes when she participates in class. But as soon as I get home and log on, I become Paris Powell — a fierce, powerful woman who tells guys to lick her toilet, clean her shoes with their teeth and drink her urine. And who gets paid for it.

I currently have four “slaves,” all of whom I met through FetLife. Two pay me up to $100 a week; one sends me $50 every two weeks. (He’s also in college; I give him a student discount.) They have to buy me monthly gifts on Amazon, too. But I pay it forward: Each month, my slaves have to donate to a charity of my choice. For this, I send them derogatory, insulting text messages and videos of me doing things like crushing nuts with my boots. (This is what I’d do to your nuts, I say.) Sometimes it gets really weird: I once sent a man videos of me pooping. I also sold him a poop-stained thong for $45. Disgusting, I know. But when you can make money for something you do naturally, it’s hard not to milk it.

My fourth slave is the only one I’ve agreed to meet in person. He’s in his 60s, married, and a practicing psychologist in Philly. (Go figure.) Sometimes he pays me to meet him for coffee, just to talk as friends. Occasionally he pays me to come to his office and beat him to a pulp. All while his patients sit unsuspecting in the waiting room.

In the end, I don’t make nearly enough to live on. But I do make enough to have some spending money. And the work is strangely rewarding. The men tell me I make their lives better. I give them companionship, and the structure and rules they crave. (For example, they’re not allowed to eat meat on Sundays because I’m a vegetarian.) And they give me confidence, a jolt of energy in my otherwise pedestrian life. When I’m on the other side of the computer screen, I’m powerful. A goddess. A total badass. You know, one who lives on a pretty campus in a tidy apartment right next to an R.A. who has no idea that I’m on the other side of the door letting a guy in Alabama watch me take a dump for $45.

*Some names in this essay have been changed. 

» See All of Our Philadelphia Sex Diaries

Philadelphia Sex Diaries: I’m 77 and Having the Best Sex of My Life

When I lost my first husband, I was 58. We were married for 32 years. My daughter Debbie put me on a dating website. I was on that stupid Internet all the time because Debbie, she said to me, “You have to answer at least 10 to 20 ads a night, Mom.” I was working full-time and I was up until one o’clock in the morning answering these ads. I got all these crazy responses from young men looking for older women. Anyway, it got a little complicated. My family gave me a surprise 60th birthday party, and I brought one guy with me, Henry, and I walked into this party — it was at my own house — and two of the other guys I was dating were there, too. Debbie took me into the garage and said, “Who do you want to stay over tonight?”

Henry was from North Jersey. He was a pleasant chap, but he couldn’t really keep up with me. But with the sex, he was pretty good. He actually could not have an erection because he was on medicine for his heart, but he said, “I know how to please a woman.” And he was very good at it! He even bought me a dildo. I’d never had that before because my first husband, he was a gem, but he wasn’t very adventuresome. Henry, on the other hand, was willing to try anything.

The only thing is that he had ridges on his head. He had a beautiful head of white hair, but it was a turnoff because he had all these bumps. But he insisted that I had to touch his head, that it was a way to prove that I really loved him. I went out with him for nine months. He was a stepping-stone to others. It turned out to be really good that I had this experience. It gave me confidence.

I had a few other friendships. There was one guy who lives in Haddonfield who I liked a lot, but he was not the kind of guy to make a commitment, and he was so weird. He wanted to have sex, but he didn’t want to have intercourse — he just wanted to be able to have a climax and thought I should have a climax, but no penetration. He said it was too intimate.

And then I met Andy. He’s Italian, so he’s very demonstrative and sexy. My first husband never practiced cunnilingus on me because he was very conservative. And Andy never did, either, until recently — I don’t know what happened! But that’s a new adventure for me. And it was very pleasurable. You can tell all the people who are 77 and older that they should never give up.

So anyway, I’m married to Andy now. We went out on a Wednesday and he asked me out the following Friday, and we’ve been together ever since. We were married in Thailand, on a pineapple plantation. It was a surprise. I had no idea we were getting married, but Andy had arranged it all. It was crazy. Absolutely crazy. — As told to Emily Goulet

*Some names in this essay have been changed. 

» See All of Our Philadelphia Sex Diaries

Philadelphia Sex Diaries: I’m a Cheating Newlywed

I’ve known Mark* for 15 years. He’s been in love with me since I was in my teens; he was my brother’s friend. Before I even met Derrick — that’s my husband — Mark and I were kind of a thing. We weren’t dating; it was just casual. Once I met Derrick, I left Mark, but it didn’t stick.

In 2015, Derrick and I were engaged and had hit a rough patch, so I turned back to Mark. When we started back up, it took on a new dimension. Mark expressed how much he wanted to be with me. And he was all I could think about.

But then it came time to plan my wedding in 2016. We were so wrapped up in the wedding details, I barely thought of Mark at all. I wanted to throw the perfect wedding. Then once all that was over and done with, I thought, What am I doing? I love two men. There’s no way my husband would ever go for an open marriage; he’s very set that I’m his one and only.

The sex with my husband is extremely boring. I’m just not into it. With Mark, it’s mind-blowing. We’re sex soul mates. No one has his touch. When we touch, I can feel the electricity. And my fingertips remember how he feels. When I think about him, my hands tingle. We could literally be in bed for 48 hours straight and have no desire to leave the bed. It can be round after round. We can be done and he still wants to do it again right away. I’ve never experienced anything like it before.

But Mark lives in a different city, so I only get to see him every other month. I don’t worry about my husband finding out. I’m really good at covering my tracks, making sure my phone notifications are off and staying on top of deleting messages. For contact between Mark and me, we text and video using Snapchat, so there’s no record of it on my phone bill and the messages never stay on my phone. I work for one of the largest tech companies in the world, so it’s much easier for me to cover it up than for Derrick to actually find evidence. I guess I’ve been in love with Mark forever, and it’s something that we never really addressed. We don’t want to be without each other.

I love my husband as well. He gives me things that Mark could never give me. They are, after all, two totally different people. Some days I feel guilty, but then when Derrick and I have rough times, Mark is my outlet. I tell my husband he needs to pay more attention to me, but he doesn’t. It just doesn’t work. And I’ve always been the kind of person who makes myself happy.

I really have no idea how this is all going to end. I want to let everything play out. I tried to end it with Mark, and it doesn’t work. He says he wants to be together forever. He thinks this would be the best thing ever.

But I tell him that he only has 25 percent of me. He doesn’t have the You-need-to-pay-the-bills me. He doesn’t have the I-need-to-clean-the-house me. There are no stressors in our relationship. I’m just a fantasy that he gets to participate in. If it became real, it wouldn’t be this.

— As told to Victor Fiorillo

*Some names in this essay have been changed. 

» See All of Our Philadelphia Sex Diaries

The Checkup: Does Having More Sex Make for Better Athletic Performance?

• Let’s talk about sex, baby: Having more of it could improve your time at the gym. According to new research, athletes who had more sex performed better when it came to speed, strength and agility. Do note, though: This new research was helmed, in conjunction with an Olympic coach, by a sex toy company. So, we’d say a grain of salt wouldn’t be a bad idea. [Refinery29]

Read more »

7 Science-Backed Reasons to Exercise That Have Zero to Do With Weight Loss

ferrantraite/iStock.com

ferrantraite/iStock.com

Sometimes, you need motivation aside from the promise of fitting into your skinny jeans to get your off your couch, outside of your pleasantly air-conditioned apartment, and exercising. If you’ve been at a loss to find any reasons (we’ve all been there), not to worry: We’ve got plenty for you.

We’ve rounded seven science-backed reasons to get off the couch and get moving—none of which have to do with weight loss—from the oh-so-wonderful runner’s high to the promise of a better night’s rest to improved skin to better sex and more. Read up, then get moving!  Read more »

Pelvic Floor Exercises: 5 At-Home Exercises to Do for Better Sex 

If you were at Be Well Philly Boot Camp earlier this month, chances are you hung out with Christina Stoltz, owner of Northern Liberties’ Ploome Fitness and Lifestyle Boutique — who just so happens to be an expert in all things having to do with the pelvic floor — at some point in the day. Along with leading a Stripp’d: Cardio-Core Workout, she also gave a talk in our Speakers’ Lounge on how to strengthen your pelvic floor to get a stronger core and have better sex.

If you are currently cursing yourself for missing it, we’ve got good news for you below.  Read more »

“Wii Fit for Sex”: Pornhub Launches Virtual Sexercise Platform — Really

I mean, I honestly don’t even know where to start with this post, so I guess I’ll just state the facts plain and clear: The website Pornhub just launched a gamified virtual fitness platform called — wait for it — BangFit. In case you hadn’t already figured it out, the idea is that it will get you fit while you, ahem, get it on. As the press release says, “Think Wii Fit but for sex.”
Read more »

The Checkup: Why You Regain Weight You’ve Lost, According to a Dietitian 

• Talk of losing weight only to gain it back — and then some — has been all over the place for the past week, thanks to new research about “The Biggest Loser.” Here, a dietitian dishes on what she considers to be the top five culprits when it comes to regaining weight. Hint: They have a lot to do with how you think about weight loss. [Washington Post] Read more »

Why Your Pelvic Floor Is the Secret to a Stronger Core and Better Sex

Christina Stoltz at Be Well Philly Boot Camp 2013 | Photo by JPG Photography

Christina Stoltz at Be Well Philly Boot Camp 2013 | Photo by JPG Photography

This year is seriously flying by, you guys. I mean, it’s almost May, for goodness’ sake, which means we’re just over a month out from the fifth annual Be Well Philly Boot Camp, our massive day of fitness and wellness just for women. It’s a day of positivity, empowerment and motivation, and a celebration of all-around female badassery, with amped-up fitness classes, inspiring speakers, top local chefs and lots more. In a nutshell, it is awesome.

Over the next month, we’ll be previewing some of what’s in store for this year’s Be Well Philly Boot Camp participants. First up, we chatted with Christina Stoltz, owner of the Pilates-based Northern Liberties fitness studio, Ploome. We’re huge fans of Christina around these parts, and if you’ve been to Boot Camp before, you probably remember her oh-so-fabulous outdoor fitness classes. This year, she’ll be leading a new-to-Boot Camp class called Stripp’d: Cardio-Core Workout in our outdoor fitness tent, but she’ll also be pulling double duty as a featured speaker in our Speakers’ Lounge.  Read more »

Naked or Not, the Pirelli Calendar Is Just a Promotional Calendar

pirelli-calendar-940x540

From left: Yao Chen, Patti Smith, Mellody Hobson and Serena Williams. Photos | Annie Liebowitz, Pirelli 2016 calendar

The Pirelli calendar never debuts without a fuss. It is, perhaps, the only promotional calendar that arrives in the mail with some swagger, that doesn’t risk a trip to the recycling bin if your insurance company pulls through with puppies in hats or kittens on windmills.

Usually, that’s because the Italian tire manufacturer casts barely dressed supermodels to ring in each month. This year it’s because … I’m not quite sure yet. But according to yesterday’s New York Times headline, “The 2016 Pirelli Calendar May Signal A Cultural Shift.”

To which I have to say: Really? Read more »

« Older Posts  |  Newer Posts »