Sorry to be the one to break this to you, but the Phillie Phanatic is a dick.
I know. You’re very angry right now. You really love the Phanatic. Honestly, I do, too.
But sit with it for a minute: The Phillie Phanatic is a raging, first-class asshole.
I know, it stings. It’s hard when you love someone who’s no good for you. Who triggers all your bad reflexes. Who enables all the dark impulses that keep you from reaching your full potential. Philadelphia, your love affair with the Phanatic is what Lady Gaga calls a bad romance.
The Phillie Phanatic was not beloved instantly, and not because his baptism surely raises numerous theological questions. By August of that same year, the Phillies didn’t like him. After a win over the Padres, the Phillies questioned whether mascots should even exist! “All the activity was sort of upsetting,” said Larry Christenson. “I think maybe it detracts from the game,” said Danny Ozark, the manager.
Eventually, though, he won over our hearts. The Phanatic is the best mascot in sports. He’s entertaining. He’s emotive despite having a fixed expression. He’s hard-working and silly and his skits are both groan-worthy and brilliant at the same time. He’s also kind of a jerk. Somehow this stupid green monster is incredibly entertaining.
To celebrate his birthday, here are five great video clips of the Phanatic.
Though I think it would be obvious to all right-thinking people, not everyone believes the Phillie Phanatic is the best mascot in all of recorded history. Allow me to disabuse you of your ignorance by making a simple case in six GIFs from last night’s cold Phillies loss.
The particular Phanatic bit I’ll be focusing on happened in the third inning.
As you can see, the Phanatic was harassing a fan in the stands, as he is wont to do. This is my favorite part about the Phanatic: Its whole shtick is to be jerks to fans of the team he is supposedly a phanatic of. This is the kind of irony kids should be learning in school, alongside Shakespeare.