‘Tis the season for those pop-up Halloween stores that open at vacant former mega-bookstores or old, abandoned Circuit City locations: they are warehouses of spooky crap that reminds me why I haven’t dressed up for Halloween in ages. Just the other day, I spotted two recently opened locations: one on Chestnut Street between 15th and 16th and another in Cherry Hill across from the mall.
But even worse than these temporary warehouses of inflatable ghost lawn decorations: the costumes.
People, these things aren’t cute. They aren’t funny. And they look like someone with the social IQ of, like, negative ten came up with the ideas.
Below are ten of the absolute worst entertainment-themed costumes you can find at the earlier mentioned Halloween outlets (these all came from Spirit Halloween). Please, proceed with great caution…
Michael Jackson Child Costume
Michael Jackson. As a boy. Do I need to say anything more?
Duck Dynstay Child's Costume
While we're on children's costumes…hee-haw! Let's teach our youngins to be homophobic backwoods hicks before they're even ten years old!
"Adult" Big Bird
Umm…wait a minute. Since when did Big Bird become a girl? And since when did Big Bird become some sort of reject Miss America contestant? This costume is brought to you by the letter "F," as in FAIL.
Spongbob Squarepants: Patrick as a Sexy Woman
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Apparently this thing, which looks like vintage Britney Spears had a child with Patrick the Starfish. There is nothing sexy about Patrick, unless fictional marine invertebrates turn you on.
I ain't scared of no ghost, but I'm sorry: if girlfriend showed up to fight the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in this number, I think we'd be in trouble. And with all of that exposed skin, she better hope no ectoplasm splashes!
Angry Bird as Luke Star Wars Fighter
Guys, I am SO confused. It's a man dressed as an Angry Bird dressed as Luke from Star Wars. What just happened?
Disney's Toy Story Woody Boxers
Disney, you cannot market this as a costume! And Woody, on underwear, of all characters? The jokes write themselves...
You need to buy a costume to be Nicki Minaj? Wait, I thought all you needed to do to be Nicki Minaj is run around in a bikini and curse...
Miley Cyrus as Twerking Teddy
Do we really need to relive the performance that killed Hannah Montana, especially via a piece of clothing that looks like you purchased at a Victoria's Secret outlet store?
There is nothing more romantic to go dressed as Mister Blurred Lines himself along with your significant other as the earlier featured twerking bear. I mean, seriously: this is what Halloween is all about, people.
On Saturday night, while Billy Joel was entertaining fans at Citizens Bank Park (see photos and videos from the Billy Joel show here), Miley Cyrus was doing her very different thing at the Wells Fargo Center. Read more »
Miley “Cultural Appropriation” Cyrus is at it again. The Huffington Post reported on a recent TMZ video of Cyrus at a concert in London, where she said, “everyone’s a little bit gay.” Ms. Cyrus, you probably think you’re progressive and edgy, or even supportive, by saying this. But you’re wrong, and I’m going to tell you why.
Read more »
NBC 10 reports: “The Philadelphia Flyers announced this evening that Miley Cyrus’ BANGERZ TOUR, originally scheduled for Tuesday, April 22nd, will now take place on Monday, April 21st. Live Nation rescheduled the concert to accommodate the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Game three of the first-round of the Stanley Cup Playoff series between the Flyers and New York Rangers will take place April 22.”
Which raises the obvious question: Anybody want to guess the over-under on the number of crestfallen Miley fans we’ll see at the arena that Tuesday night?
Enjoy this video of a guy in NYC who tied a fringed scarf around his chest, slipped on a leather thong and twerked it out in a New York subway to Miley’s “We Can’t Stop.” Sure, the song’s getting a little old, but those moves are oh, so fresh.
Happy Monday afternoon!
The first time I listened to Bangerz, I didn’t like it. There was something missing that I couldn’t wrap my brain around … until I saw Miley’s solid turn as host and musical performer this weekend on Saturday Night Live. It was during her opening monologue, when she proclaimed that Hannah Montana was murdered. Suddenly, something clicked. I gave it another listen and fell in love. Bangerz is a wild ride of rock- and hip-hop-infused tunes that showcases an artist taking risks and finally coming into her own.
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Miley Cyrus hosts SNL on Saturday night, and because we seem to be stuck in a Miley Moment, and because SNL is broadcast live and has a rich history of such things, we might as well wager on the likelihood of some even bigger—shocking!—Miley Moment that will set tongues wagging, brows furrowing, and Hulu clips refreshing a million times by Sunday morning.
One of SNL’s most famous moments of surprise, of course, happened 21 years ago this week—when Sinead O’Connor sang Bob Marley’s “War,” and concluded her performance by ripping up a photo of the pope. “Fight the real enemy!” she cried, and nothing was the same for O’Connor’s career after that. Whatever happens this Saturday, it seems that anything Miley does will probably be A) far more premeditated and B) far less likely to do any real damage to her own career.
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