The only good thing about all of this unnecessary pretension and stupidity is that the monocle apparently hasn’t made its way to Philadelphia as of yet.
The salesperson at trendy Modern Eye chuckled when I asked if they had any monocles in stock. The woman answering the phone at Sazz Vintage sounded incredulous, insisting, “We wouldn’t carry anything like that here.” Not even Briar Vintage could help me out.
But as awful as the monocle is—and, in case you’re not getting this loud and clear: THE MONOCLE IS TRULY AWFUL—is it really the worst fashion statement a man can make? Take our Shoppist poll below.
Deena Roemer’s year-old wardrobe consultation business may be called Closet Redemption, but when she showed up at my house to survey my clothes, it became clear that what my closet needed was more like an intervention.
Late last week, with Foobooz editor Art Etchells sheepishly in tow, Philly Mag’s food editor Jason Sheehan came to me with a half-serious request:
“Can you get Art and me suits to wear to Whiskey Fest?”
This is a man who will gladly fork over any amount of money for a good glass of whiskey or a meal by INSERT FAMOUS CHEF NAME HERE. [Editor's note: That's not a typo. I just really don't know the names of any famous chefs. I am that out of the food loop.] But when it comes to investing any sort of money into his wardrobe, he’s out. Which is how I knew we were in trouble. He didn’t want to buy a suit. He somehow wanted me to find him a suit. Probably for free. And even if he was half-joking in his request, there was an underlying note of desperation there: Please help us with our outfits.