We love yard games and hot dogs as much as the next person, but when there are deals like up to 75 percent off to be had, we’re totally ditching out for some holiday-weekend shopping. Here, we’ve rounded up more than 20 sales and events going on in Philly and online. Happy Memorial Day, Shoppists!
If you want everyone in the room to leer at you like you’re a gnarled-face, infant-eating freak, simply utter the following four words: “I hate the beach.”
You may now begin sharpening your edged weapons and firing up your medieval torches.
Sand, umbrellas, flip-flops, board shorts, funnel cake — I don’t get it. And judging by the horrified reactions this has garnered over the years, that’s a red-flag indicator of my latent serial-killer tendencies, on par with spree arson or shooting squirrels dead with a pellet gun.
My idea of a vacation, away from the ulcer-inducing existence of sardine-can city life, has never included interminable melanoma tanning sessions, armies of shrieking children with oddly shaped sunburns or power-tripping pencil-necked teenagers demanding you pay them for sitting on hills of hot dirt. And that doesn’t even factor in getting there, wasting away for days in traffic so thick you could flip it upside down and hold it there like a DQ Blizzard. This ain’t garden-variety New Jersey hate, either. I grew up in Maryland, with that state’s Ocean City hosting our summer trips, feeling the exact same way.
I’ve got nothing against beach-town natives, business owners, shoobies and the seasonal residents who love it so. I’ve just never comprehended the idea of the shore as this mystical Brigadoon-like place that rejuvenates the human spirit. As a destination, it’s boring to me. Yet still, telling people “I’m not a beach person” is almost always met with a deep revulsion I find both amusing and confusing. I might as well throw on a crude sandwich board detailing a disdain for babies, bacon and Beyoncé.
Being a pariah, however, does have its annual perks.
Can’t make it to the shore this holiday weekend? Philadelphia’s got you covered. Here, we round up seven Memorial Day Weekend events to keep your mind off the fact that you’re not splashing in the sea.
Staying in town this weekend? There are plenty of cheap—or even free—fitness activities on tap to keep you busy. Here’s to a very sweaty Memorial Day weekend!
Have a great holiday weekend.
Starting today and running through Monday, May 27, Shake Shack will be offering a couple of specials, the Shack Corn Dog and Pecan Pie Oh My concrete. Shake Shack only offers corn dogs three times per year (Memorial Day, Independence Day and Labor Day), so get one now.
Shake Shack [Official Site]
On Wednesday we told you that Avalon BYOB The Diving Horse is opening for the season on Tuesday, May 21. Well, now we have a sneak peek of what the menu will be like for Memorial Day weekend. And with the praise given to Fitler Dining Room, interest in the Pub & Kitchen crew’s third restaurant is sure to heat up. Dishes like oysters on the half shell, chilled carrot soup, cape may scallops, and soft shell crab make The Diving Horse a good option for one of the first meals of your summer.