Confessions of a Beach Hater: 7 Reasons Memorial Day in the City is Amazing

Image courtesy of Davio's

Image courtesy of Davio’s

If you want everyone in the room to leer at you like you’re a gnarled-face, infant-eating freak, simply utter the following four words: “I hate the beach.”

You may now begin sharpening your edged weapons and firing up your medieval torches.

Sand, umbrellas, flip-flops, board shorts, funnel cake — I don’t get it. And judging by the horrified reactions this has garnered over the years, that’s a red-flag indicator of my latent serial-killer tendencies, on par with spree arson or shooting squirrels dead with a pellet gun.

My idea of a vacation, away from the ulcer-inducing existence of sardine-can city life, has never included interminable melanoma tanning sessions, armies of shrieking children with oddly shaped sunburns or power-tripping pencil-necked teenagers demanding you pay them for sitting on hills of hot dirt. And that doesn’t even factor in getting there, wasting away for days in traffic so thick you could flip it upside down and hold it there like a DQ Blizzard. This ain’t garden-variety New Jersey hate, either. I grew up in Maryland, with that state’s Ocean City hosting our summer trips, feeling the exact same way.

I’ve got nothing against beach-town natives, business owners, shoobies and the seasonal residents who love it so. I’ve just never comprehended the idea of the shore as this mystical Brigadoon-like place that rejuvenates the human spirit. As a destination, it’s boring to me. Yet still, telling people “I’m not a beach person” is almost always met with a deep revulsion I find both amusing and confusing. I might as well throw on a crude sandwich board detailing a disdain for babies, bacon and Beyoncé.

Being a pariah, however, does have its annual perks.

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9 Ways to Celebrate Memorial Day Weekend in Philly

Can’t make it to the shore this holiday weekend? Philadelphia’s got you covered. Here, we round up seven Memorial Day Weekend events to keep your mind off the fact that you’re not splashing in the sea. 



Weekend: Memorial Day Edition

Friday

Celebrate Johnny Brenda’s reopening after their unfortunate water main break with a local beer.

If you are down the shore this weekend, try to get a table at The Diving Horse in Avalon.

Red Owl Tavern’s Sausage cart debuts today.

Saturday 

Champions League soccer final serves as a good reason to start drinking early.

Consider a BYO dinner at Ants Pants Cafe. Check out the dinner specials.

Sunday

Enjoy brunch at Fitler Dining Room. Maybe it will be possible to grab a table with everyone leaving the city for the weekend.

Bainbridge Street Barrel House is shutting down Bainbridge Street for their first ever street festival.

Monday 

Enjoy Memorial Day with brunch at Local 44. Also, take advantage of their cantastic savings all weekend long.

Have a great holiday weekend.

Shake Shack Offering Corn Dogs This Weekend

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Starting today and running through Monday, May 27, Shake Shack will be offering a couple of specials, the Shack Corn Dog and Pecan Pie Oh My concrete. Shake Shack only offers corn dogs three times per year (Memorial Day, Independence Day and Labor Day), so get one now.

Shake Shack [Official Site]

Diving Horse’s Opening Menu for 2013

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On Wednesday we told you that Avalon BYOB The Diving Horse is opening for the season on Tuesday, May 21. Well, now we have a sneak peek of what the menu will be like for Memorial Day weekend. And with the praise given to Fitler Dining Room, interest in the Pub & Kitchen crew’s third restaurant is sure to heat up. Dishes like oysters on the half shell, chilled carrot soup, cape may scallops, and soft shell crab make The Diving Horse a good option for one of the first meals of your summer.

Opening menu at the Diving Horse »