Tomorrow, starting around 10 a.m., it’s going to start snowing again. Around 8 p.m. according to Weather.com, that’ll let up and morph into freezing rain. Philly.com weatherzombie John Bolaris says 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. is a more likely range, and predicts about a two inch accumulation. Why this is good: The Army-Navy Game will be played in the snow. Why this is bad: More opportunities for Bolaris to say “snow job.”
Even now, it’s tough to know what to make of John Bolaris. He clearly wants our attention—why else take a Philly.com gig and make jokes about his Miami “do shot” experience during a snowstorm live chat—but he doesn’t like it when people point out the weirdness of it all.
@phillymag When are you guys going to realize I'm just over sensitive Weather Geek, who loves life nothing more
— JOHN BOLARIS (@JohnBolaris) December 10, 2013
So let’s agree, John Bolaris is large. He contains multitudes. He has the right to want your attention and the right to not like how you give it to him, but also the right to use the fact that you’re giving it to him for bad reasons as a sign that, yes, you’re giving him attention. This is, in fact, probably about as consistent as any of us really tends to be. And if John Bolaris would get comfortable in being ignored, that’s probably where it would end.
Seems unlikely, though.
Anyway, he’s on an epic-length—more than two hours!—podcast over at Crossing Broad, and he takes a few minutes (about 43 minutes in) to discuss being a Philadelphia punching bag, and (ahem) a Philly Mag punching bag in particular.
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John Bolaris is doing John Bolaris, finding a way to be relevant during a major storm by live-chatting at Philly.com. And as is often the case—remember when he got engaged during Hurricane Sandy?—the whole thing manages to become about both the weather and John Bolaris. Here’s some of the more Bolaris-y moments of today’s chat so far:
Yesterday’s nobody-saw-this-coming snowstorm totaled 8.6 inches yesterday in Philadelphia, according to the National Weather Service. That’s more than anybody expected, but according to Philly.com weatherzombie John Bolaris, the snowfall set records for the date in five other nearby cities.
Spurred on by some cryptic tweets, I recently spoke with John Bolaris, who’s got some good news for fans of predictable weather forecasts and unpredictable behavior: After a brief flirtation with New York, he’s committed to staying in Philadelphia full time, where his young daughter lives. Here’s why.
Every time John Bolaris decides to poke his skull-capped head into the pages of the Metro, it’s a special little treat. Well today’s treat has proven extra sweet. In it, for no apparent reason, Bolaris grinds his axe against Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian for their immature and irresponsible behavior.
Wow, such a good role model for the kids. You too could make a porn tape, make millions and eventually get a fake butt perfectly designed to your derriere.If Kim had all the talent in the world, made a tape, but was fat and ugly, her name would have never surfaced. This is the lopsided so-called equality in our country. We are brainwashed people.
It’s not just Kim’s fault, though!
I’m talking about the media. We want trash, juicy gossip, bad boys, bad girls, train wrecks, sexual exploits, celebrity break-ups, celebrity melt downs, celebrities pants down, crotch shots, drunken shots, screaming shots and the almighty celebrity sex tape…
Come to think of it, sounds like he’s delivering a subtle little jab at all the media coverage generated by his own roofie-fueled, babe-filled train wreck in Miami. If he’s aware enough to see the link between media coverage of LiLo’s meltdown and his own, you’d think he’d see the connection between Lohan and himself… Anyways, there you have it, folks: John Bolaris is wagging his finger at “bad role models.”
There are a few things you can count on these days — taxes, talk of whether Donovan McNabb puked in the Super Bowl, and John Bolaris Twitter freakouts. Over the weekend, the between-gigs meteorologist/social media addict issued the following statement:
One sportscaster in town,who I did respect until I had the pleasure of being totally disrespected by & humiliated,very nice MB
— JOHN BOLARIS (@JohnBolaris) July 6, 2013
That’s usually called a “blind item” in the gossip biz, save for one detail — Bolaris mentioned the initials of the offending sportscaster (subtle, he is not). It didn’t take long for his followers to ask whether the “MB” in question is Comcast SportsNet anchor and WIP host Michael Barkann, which Bolaris quickly confirmed. What, we wondered, could have offended the former Fox 29 weatherman, who was last seen threatening to “kick the loser ass” of a former business partner? Can this burned bridge be rebuilt? Should Barkann hire a bodyguard?
Former meteorologist and feud enthusiast John Bolaris, who may or may not be decamping for New York City, has gotten into another instant-classic spat. This one’s between him and Lenny Dystra’s ex-business manager, Dan Herman, and it has something to do with compensation for the narration of a documentary about a 1982 boxing match. But the tipping point of the fight–which took place via text message–occurred when Herman said Bolaris’s nine-year-old daughter looked like an “anteater.” (Herman said it was a joke about the public television character Arthur, who, ahem, happens to be an aardvark.)
“If you mention my daughter again, I will personally kick your loser ass,” Bolaris texted, claiming that Herman continued to antagonize him.
Bolaris texted back to Herman, “I don’t know when or where but I will see you and you won’t even see it coming when I snap your neck !! Now lose my number.”
So, according to the Daily News, Herman went to the cops and has now lodged a criminal complaint against Bolaris. [Daily News]
On Saturday, thousands of people turned out at Camden’s Susquehanna Bank Center for the seventh annual MMRBQ, radio station WMMR’s celebration of rock-and-roll, beer…and beer. Musical guests included Soundgarden, Alice In Chains and Cheap Trick, among others, and WMMR’s top talent, including Pierre Robert and the Preston & Steve entourage, held down the fort. I decided to make the trip to see what all the fuss was about. Below, some observations.
John Bolaris Is Still In Philadelphia
Though he’s been threatening to vacate the Philadelphia area, everybody’s favorite weatherguy hasn’t left yet. Here he is backstage getting an unsolicited kiss from some doofus in a $10 Walmart hat. (Sorry, John).
Rain Was Only Cool at Woodstock
While Device blasted through some songs on stage, led by a guy with pretty wicked chin piercings, the lawn people began to fill in with their tarps, towels and ponchos and make the best of things. No doubt the 22-ounce cans of Miller Lite helped.
People Will Wait A Long Time In the Rain for (Almost) Free Cigarettes
The steady mid-afternoon showers did not deter smokers from standing in line outside for upwards of twenty minutes at the Marlboro Black Lounge, where $1 would get you a pack of Marlboro Black smokes, mints, and a pair of Ray Ban-like sunglasses. This devil horn-flashing gent is clearly enthused.
It’s Alice In Chains, Not Alice And Chains
I always thought that “Moves Like Jagger” was “Moves Like Cheddar” until I saw Maroon 5 live at Revel. Similarly, I was under the impression that Alice In Chains was actually Alice And Chains until someone corrected me backstage after I said “Alice And Chains” for probably the thousandth time. Lame, I know. Here, Philadelphia magazine contributor Richard Rys holds up an article he wrote about Alice In Chains in the current issue of Magnet magazine while the band is under all those bright lights being interviewed by WMMR DJ Pierre Robert.
The Folks from The Preston & Steve Show Will Sign Anything
Full-Body Spandex Suits Are Awesome
This Guy Makes Mean Barbecue
You can’t have an MMRBQ without great barbecue, right? Fortunately, WMMR brought in Chef Keith Taylor of the Best of Philly-winning Zachary’s BBQ in Norristown. Get the brisket.
Some People Are Really Happy to Meet the Preston & Steve Crew
Do You Let Your 5-Year-Old Listen to Preston & Steve?
All Music Venues Should Have Waitresses
Backstage Antics Are Not What They Used to Be
If you think that there’s all kinds of sex, drugs and related debauchery going on backstage at your average rock concert these days, you’d be wrong, although it’s not like I was partying on the bands’ tour buses. The most exciting thing that I saw backstage was Cheap Trick guitarist Rick Nielsen brushing his teeth in the hallway. No hookers. No coke. Hell, we weren’t even allowed to hold beers in the vicinity of Soundgarden frontman Chris Cornell, who has been sober for a long time. I’ll have to wait for the next Motley Crue visit for compromising cell phone videos, I guess.
And, Oh Yeah, Soundgarden Rocked
They brought a kid from the audience up on stage during this tune. Rock. And. Roll.
P.S. This Is What Happened After the MMRBQ
I could tell you who is wearing the dress and bear mask and singing Soundgarden’s “Black Hole Sun” at 1:30 a.m. at HeadHouse with DJ Doctor Thunder, but that would take all the fun out of things, right?
[PHOTOS: Ryan W. Burns except karaoke photo courtesy Doctor Thunder]