OPINION: It’s Time to Ban “No Fats, No Fems”

Marek+Richard’s controversial tank.

Marek+Richard’s controversial tank.

I couldn’t help but find myself annoyed this week to find out that a term I thought was going to fade out eventually just went viral.

Thanks to the gay clothing brand Marek+Richard, members of our community can now rip the runway wearing “No Fats, No Fems” tanks in broad daylight. There has been plenty of backlash about the now-sold-out apparel, and the company tried to clean up after the debacle by saying it was all in the name of “satire,” but no one was buying it. Read more »

5 Reasons Why I Deleted Grindr

Grindr Header

Yes, I deleted Grindr, and, yes, I’m single.

It honestly was so freaking cathartic to see that little orange box vanish on my iPhone (and iPad, too) that it got me thinking why I didn’t get rid of the app a long time ago. Like Facebook, Grindr has become almost a prerequisite for gay dudes and I’m not entirely sure why. Sure, there was some novelty when it first came out, but that soon vanished, partially because of the app’s competition (Scruff, etc), and partially because, well…it was just getting old. It felt good to get rid of Grindr, and I came up with five solid reasons why it was so easy for me to kiss the app goodbye.

1. The Absurd Amount of Fake Profiles: Yes, there were always fake profiles, but since the turn of the year, the abundance of obvious fraud schemes was out of control. Sure, I was getting messages all of the time…from bots that were 2,583 miles away and used profile pictures from porn websites circa 2001. Speaking of profile pics…

2. They Didn’t Approve One of my Profile Shots: The Grindr admin didn’t like a picture of me wearing gym shorts doing a downward facing dog. But, they’ll approve someone’s pic wearing neon pink assless Andrew Christian briefs…

3. You Nasty: The total and complete pig nature of people started to get uncomfortably freaky. Okay, sure, tell me I’m sexy, but, um, newsflash: Introducing yourself by saying, “I want you to come over so I can f*ck you til your dead” isn’t quite the best way to start things. (And you wonder why you got blocked…)

4. Point Blank: I Just Wasn’t Meeting Good People: Before you start to freak out, I’m not saying that there aren’t good people on Grindr, and I have heard stories about future husbands meeting on there, yadda yadda yadda. However, for me, I was having a prolonged bad streak, and I’m not quite sure that the app provides the best way to meet people, even for a one-night stand. When it’s just as common as Facebook, everyone is on there. In short, its uniqueness factor has worn off.

5. The Awkwardness! It Burns!: I was so sick of all of the strange social situations that Grindr was causing, and I don’t think these are terribly unique to me. Case in point: at my old apartment complex, the man who lived across the hall from me with his wife would constantly message me. The day after the first time he Grindr’d me, the three of us got in an elevator together. #awkward

Our Friendly Debate With Dr. Timaree Schmit on Grindr, Open Relationships, and the Fuzzy Areas of Electronic Communication


Via Shutterstock

Via Shutterstock

A few weeks ago, I wrote an opinion piece on gay couples who go on Grindr for additional action. Needless to say, the reaction from our readers was pretty intense, everything from impassioned, angry disapproval to folks saying that I was single-handedly destroying the gay community, to threats of physical violence against me (I wish I was kidding about the last one, but, sadly, it is true).

Then, of course, there was the fabulous Dr. Timaree Schmit, sex educator and author, who thought it would be a swell move for the two of us to have a civil debate about the opinion piece and discuss where I may have offended folks. I gladly took her up on her offer, and our talk was truly productive and enlightening. We opened up our discussion to Twitter and asked for questions as we went along. What follows is a transcript of our chat.

BB: I honestly don’t think I’ve ever written anything that got this kind of a crazy response, from all sides. I’ve heard just about everything.

TS: I actually had my own reaction before seeing how much heat you got. It was surprising for me to see the vitriol. Were you surprised?

BB: Yes. Very much so. I’ve been writing this gay dating series for about a month now and I truly thought this was right on the same page as the other pieces. If anything, the discussions I’ve been having are opening up so many questions for me. What was your reaction?

TS: I read it and felt a mixture of feelings. From my professional perspective, I felt like it was one person’s opinion and that it was simply a matter of wanting the rest of the world to operate using the same lens you have. From a personal perspective, I felt quite judged. Even if it’s not intentional, it’s hard to discuss other people’s comparable sexual openness without sounding a little judgmental because our culture is so sex negative. Read more »

Former Philly Artist Pens Grindr Opera

Photo via Facebook.

Erik Ransom | Photo via Facebook.

No, it’s not Verdi, but the plot of GRINDR: The Opera reads like something you’d find staged at Opera Philadelphia or The Met (and we think that iPhones would be allowed throughout the performance). From the synopsis:

We meet GRINDR, a mythical siren from remote antiquity who has been awoken from her millennial slumber by technology. Her power, which is derived from human lust, is exhibited as she manipulates her gay devotees in a soaring soprano…GRINDR: The Opera is entirely sung-through and intended to be staged with a cast of five actors: The four men and the Siren, GRINDR, who is intended to be a masked man in drag.

Read more »

WATCH: Gay Couples Reenact Crazy Grindr Messages

I have a confession: I’ve never used Grindr. My husband and I started dating almost 11 years ago, way before the gay-dating was a twinkle in the gay community’s eye. So I’ve just never had any use for it. I do, however, get a kick out of some of your Instagram and Facebook posts, you know, the screen captures that show funny, bizarre, and downright blush-worthy messages that show up on your screen from other users.

This new video, by TrentandLuke on YouTube, goes a step further, asking gay couples to reenact crazy Grindr conversations. It’s pretty funny, and the couples are so cute. Check it out below. Oh, and I wouldn’t blare this too loud if you’re at work, btw.

Philly Man Uses Grindr and Scruff to Search for Missing Cat

UPDATE [12/8/2014, 7:25 p.m.]: Jack the Grindr Cat was found! Details here.


The adorable baby boy pictured above is Jack; he’s a 10-year old Turkish Bengal cat who went missing several days ago in the Washington Square West neighborhood of the city (10th and Spruce, to be exact). If Jack looks familiar, it might be because you saw him, not wandering the streets, but on Grindr and Scruff.

Yes, you read that right. Read more »

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