‘Tis the season for those pop-up Halloween stores that open at vacant former mega-bookstores or old, abandoned Circuit City locations: they are warehouses of spooky crap that reminds me why I haven’t dressed up for Halloween in ages. Just the other day, I spotted two recently opened locations: one on Chestnut Street between 15th and 16th and another in Cherry Hill across from the mall.
But even worse than these temporary warehouses of inflatable ghost lawn decorations: the costumes.
People, these things aren’t cute. They aren’t funny. And they look like someone with the social IQ of, like, negative ten came up with the ideas.
Below are ten of the absolute worst entertainment-themed costumes you can find at the earlier mentioned Halloween outlets (these all came from Spirit Halloween). Please, proceed with great caution…
Michael Jackson Child Costume
Michael Jackson. As a boy. Do I need to say anything more?
Duck Dynstay Child's Costume
While we're on children's costumes…hee-haw! Let's teach our youngins to be homophobic backwoods hicks before they're even ten years old!
"Adult" Big Bird
Umm…wait a minute. Since when did Big Bird become a girl? And since when did Big Bird become some sort of reject Miss America contestant? This costume is brought to you by the letter "F," as in FAIL.
Spongbob Squarepants: Patrick as a Sexy Woman
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Apparently this thing, which looks like vintage Britney Spears had a child with Patrick the Starfish. There is nothing sexy about Patrick, unless fictional marine invertebrates turn you on.
I ain't scared of no ghost, but I'm sorry: if girlfriend showed up to fight the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in this number, I think we'd be in trouble. And with all of that exposed skin, she better hope no ectoplasm splashes!
Angry Bird as Luke Star Wars Fighter
Guys, I am SO confused. It's a man dressed as an Angry Bird dressed as Luke from Star Wars. What just happened?
Disney's Toy Story Woody Boxers
Disney, you cannot market this as a costume! And Woody, on underwear, of all characters? The jokes write themselves...
You need to buy a costume to be Nicki Minaj? Wait, I thought all you needed to do to be Nicki Minaj is run around in a bikini and curse...
Miley Cyrus as Twerking Teddy
Do we really need to relive the performance that killed Hannah Montana, especially via a piece of clothing that looks like you purchased at a Victoria's Secret outlet store?
There is nothing more romantic to go dressed as Mister Blurred Lines himself along with your significant other as the earlier featured twerking bear. I mean, seriously: this is what Halloween is all about, people.
This afternoon Cameron Kline sent me an open letter he penned to Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson, who, as you surely know, was suspended from his A&E reality show after making questionable remarks about the LGBT community. You may remember Kline from his headline-making moment in 2012 when he returned his Eagle Scout badge to the Boy Scouts of America because of the organization’s anti-gay policies.
Before writing the letter, self-titled “Camouflaging Hate With Love,” Kline dug up another instance of Robertson preaching against homosexuality. He details the moment below:
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