Colonel Mustard, In the Refrigerator, With Corporal Ketchup

ketchup

I’m a reasonable woman, by which I mean I don’t get riled easily. I understand that not everything in life, or on the Schuylkill Expressway, will go my way. In the sanctuary that is my own home, however, I expect to have some agency. I don’t.

A few weeks back, my husband Doug put “popcorn” on the shopping list we keep on the kitchen counter. When I did the weekly shopping, I dutifully bought a box of six packets of microwave popcorn. When I went to put it away in the cabinet, I noticed there were already two open boxes of popcorn on the shelf, along with another full box. So … why was popcorn on the shopping list? A fit of artificial-butter-flavor insecurity? A sudden mass craving? Nah. Doug had taken the last packet from yet another open box and mindlessly put popcorn on the list without checking to see if we still had any popcorn. And the reason there were so many boxes of popcorn in that cabinet? This wasn’t the first time.

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Coming Soon: An Uncle Eddie Documentary

Screenshot from The Resurrection of Uncle Eddie

Screenshot from The Resurrection of Uncle Eddie

It has been 23 years since the twisted story of Ed Savitz aka “Uncle Eddie” emerged, a story that involved the Center City attorney paying children and young men for sexual favors, which included buying their feces, smelly socks, and soiled underwear. And now a Philadelphia-area filmmaker has set out to make a documentary about Savitz, not only retelling the old story but also exposing new details about the case. Read more »

Jersey Man Arrested After Peeing on Casino Slots

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A New Jersey man was arrested Friday after he peed in the coin tray of a slot machine at a Pennsylvania casino.

William Compton, a 53-year-old man from Manalapan, New Jersey, reportedly was taken into custody after he refused to leave Parx Casino, and additionally charged resisting arrest by Pennsylvania State Police. Read more »

“All Clear” Given After Navy Yard Evacuation

Photo | Jeff Fusco

Photo | Jeff Fusco

An “all clear” has been given at the Navy Yard after it was evacuated this morning due to an unspecified “security threat.”

“The threat was reportedly made about 10:30 a.m., and the Navy Yard, in South Philadelphia, and the Naval Support Activity facility (part of the Defense Logistics Agency), in the city’s Lawncrest section, were both evacuated and employees sent home for the day,” KYW reported.

NBC News added: “The U.S. Navy Yard in Philadelphia was placed under heightened security measures Tuesday after the FBI informed the base of a potential threat of a terrorist attack, officials told NBC News.” Read more »

Two New Studies Debunk What You Thought You Knew About Millennials and Sex

As soon as I heard about the pair of new studies showing that millennials are getting less sex than their parents did, I knew the kids would twist themselves into pretzels explaining to me how that’s a good thing. After all, we’re the ones who ruined the environment, razed the economy and stuck them all with a hundred grand in college debt, so how could anything that we did ever be good?

The first of those two studies, published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, revealed that millennials have had far fewer sexual partners than the boomers or Generation X. In fact, millennials are having sex less than anybody since their grandparents’ “Greatest Generation,” who averaged just two partners apiece. Boomers and Gen X’ers in the study averaged 11 sexual partners. Millennials, the study says, are likely to average eight. Read more »

The Best Thing That Happened This Week: Loretta Lynch Took on FIFA

360b / Shutterstock.com

Sepp Blatter at a reception for members of the FIFA in the Chanclery in Berlin in 2007. 360b / Shutterstock.com

He sounds like the abbreviation for a painful urological condition. Most Americans think she’s a country singer. That’s only part of why it was so improbable that new U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch took on president Sepp Blatter’s FIFA this week, indicting nine current and former high-ranking officials of international soccer’s governing body for dirty dealing and bribery. Blatter, who’s been with FIFA since 1975, is known worldwide as the most powerful man in sports; he wasn’t named in Wednesday’s indictments, and he was actually reelected to a fifth term on Friday, giving him the opportunity to say in a speech, “I am the president of everybody.”

Except Loretta. Read more »

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