Purchasing perfume can be a very intimate experience. Each scent smells differently based on one’s body chemistry. That means that no matter how hard I try, lemon verbena is always going to make me smell like Pine-Sol and not like the citrusy goddess I envision, and I have to accept that.
These gross perfumes are not examples of that. When Be Well editor Emily Leaman tipped us off to Demeter’s pizza perfume, we had a good chuckle. Then we realized this wasn’t the first time someone dreamed up pizza perfume (that honor goes to Pizza Hut), and then we became concerned. What other weird perfumes were out there? How many? And more importantly, who buys them?
Apparently, the answer is a lot. We came across everything from bacon to earthworm fragrances. If you finish reading this blog post ready to detoxify your nostrils, we’ll understand.
Pros: It's vegan and gender neutral. Cons: Well, you'll smell like bacon. Available at Fargginay.
We love books as much as the next person, but smelling like them is where we draw the line. Available at CB I Hate Perfume.
What's most perplexing (aside from, ya know, earthworm perfume) is that the reviews are really positive. Available at Demeter Fragrance.
When sprayed, a vibrant cobalt blue will appear on your skin and clothes. Sure, it begins to disappear in seconds, but it shouldn't have been there to begin with. Available at Boudicca.
All the scent without hot-boxing your car. Available at Sephora.
Apparently smelling like a frisky pirate includes being "wrapped in leather, smoke and gunpowder" because, obviously. Available at Think Geek.
We actually have no idea what this is supposed to smell like—but we're sort of scared anyway. Available at Shop Avery.
Perhaps the most literal of the bunch, it smells like cotton, linen and silk, the materials of US currency. Available at Liquid Money.
The fragrance smells like a tropical getaway; we're just not sure why there had to be fishbowl pebbles in it. Available at Urban Outfitters.