Adjectives used in real estate listings are not used as they are in the dictionary or even in common parlance. They are shadow words–reflective of their real selves, but distorted. These words are brilliantly deconstructed by Curbed New York’s Brokerbabble Glossary, but if that’s too much lit crit for you, here are some overarching rules of thumb:
- The more adjectives, the better, especially those synonymous with “spectacular.”
- Proper nouns are very important, particularly in the kitchen. Namedrop with abandon.
- Concerns about capitalization are for losers.
- It’s best not to use periods or punctuation because WHO HAS TIME FOR PERIODS THIS HOUSE IS GOING TO SELL ANY MINUTE OH MY GOD
- Hyphens are acceptable because they are adjectives joined together, and the more adjectives the better
- When life gives you an eat-in kitchen, make it a “chef’s eat-in kitchen.”