This loft is very close to "Philly's version of the Highline."
The listings copy for what seems to be a perfectly nice two-bedroom, bi-level Callowhill loft reads:
Remarks: Walk to Lift Cafe and Prohibition Taproom or walk Philly’s version of the Highline called the Reading Viaduct!
Philly’s version of the Highline? The whole problem is that Philly doesn’t have a version of the Highline. And the Reading Viaduct is far, far, far from anything like the Highline.
The 2800 block of Cambridge Street, on the edge of Brewerytown, is quiet and narrow, lined by a combination of homes with high stone stoops and houses with wooden porches that could have been airlifted from Mt. Airy. Like the rest of that neighborhood on the rise, Cambridge is a street of contradictions, but a pretty one in a convenient location. Just a block away on Girard Avenue, new businesses like Mugshots, Rybrew and Brewerytown Beats have popped up, increasingly gentrifying the area. Perhaps the biggest indication of change in the neighborhood? The soon-to-open Shifty’s Tacos, an eatery from the crew at Honey’s Sit ’n Eat.
MM Partners is responsible for much of the development in the area, including what it’s dubbed “Cambridge Row” on the 2800 block. Addresses that will benefit from their attention, according to Philadelphia Real Estate Blog, are 2804, 2806 and 2818 Cambridge. It seems 2800 is also getting some work done by its owners.
This is some seriously emphatic listings copy:
An ad from–where else?–Craigslist.
The Ceiling Plant
Vines grow in the night.
Ensnaring you while you sleep.
Put your shirt on! Run!
Adjectives used in real estate listings are not used as they are in the dictionary or even in common parlance. They are shadow words–reflective of their real selves, but distorted. These words are brilliantly deconstructed by Curbed New York’s Brokerbabble Glossary, but if that’s too much lit crit for you, here are some overarching rules of thumb:
- The more adjectives, the better, especially those synonymous with “spectacular.”
- Proper nouns are very important, particularly in the kitchen. Namedrop with abandon.
- Concerns about capitalization are for losers.
- It’s best not to use periods or punctuation because WHO HAS TIME FOR PERIODS THIS HOUSE IS GOING TO SELL ANY MINUTE OH MY GOD
- Hyphens are acceptable because they are adjectives joined together, and the more adjectives the better
- When life gives you an eat-in kitchen, make it a “chef’s eat-in kitchen.”
Photo: Llenrock Group blog
A blog entry from the Llenrock Group, a local real estate advisory/investment banking firm, dubs the Post Bros. company “Schlemiel of the Week.” For those who aren’t up on their Yiddish, here’s the definition from the Yiddish Slang Dictionary:
a clumsy, inept person
This is similar to the word “klutz”, but rather than coming from German, comes from the Hebrew word שלא מועיל (shlemil) meaning “ineffective”.
Like real estate listings copy, Etsy item descriptions can sometimes be a little hyperbolic. Here, the enthusiasm is expressed by the punctuation:
Love baseball?? Philadelphia Phillies?? Then, this skirt has to be in your wardrobe!! You will love wearing it!! Great to wear at the ball games when it is warm out and you stay & look super cool!!!
Also, the “super-cool” is in the eye of the beholder.
Which words appear most frequently in real estate listings? “Beautiful” takes the top spot in New York, followed by a few that are equally prominent in Philadelphia. Here’s a tag cloud to help clear the air.