Today’s Friendly Wedding PSA: It Is Not Okay to Ask Your Bridesmaids to Chip In for Your Over-Budget Wedding Dress

As much as we try to offer advice around here that will keep our lovely brides from going bonkers and/or behaving in a bonkers fashion in the months leading up to their weddings, well … we must admit that we find it pretty entertaining whenever we hear stories of brides who have gone a bit off the rails. You know, in a glad-I’m-not-her-bridesmaid-but-still-totally-sympathetic-to-her-bridesmaids kind of way. (See links below.)

This week, from the Department of Oof, we heard of a put-upon bridesmaid in Australia whose friend the bride, who had already been rather demanding (she ordered her ‘maids to conduct her cake research for her, requesting that they send in their findings—pricing, contact info, flavor ideas and how prestigious the baker was all in an Excel doc), finally settled on a gown … that she couldn’t afford. (A high-end, four-figure Marchesa gown, to be exact, which we can all assume she did not find while bargain hunting for a dress.)

Her solution—instead of cutting expenses elsewhere, like maybe going with a DJ over a band or trimming a few extravagances here and there—was to suggest that her bridesmaids each pitch in to the tune of $150 AUD so that she could have the dress she wanted, but could not pay for herself. The accompanying guilt trip—er, plea—explained that wearing something that they had all made possible for her to have would just make it all mean so much more as she glided down the aisle wearing their hard-earned cash. And this was on top, of course, of all the usual bridesmaid expenses—including their dresses, chosen by the bride.

Now I, probably like you, have seen situations on Say Yes to the Dress and whatnot where a bride has fallen in love with a dress only to find out or decide that it’s just too far out of her budget to swing—but before she can cast it off, her girls announce that they are all going to chip in so that she can get it. Everyone cries—including you and I sitting on our couches—and it’s lovely and touching and so indicative of the wonderfulness of female friendship. But this—this!—is not that. This is a request, not an offer, first off—a “request” that is selfish and takes advantage of her friends and the role they currently find themselves in as her bridesmaids. A request based on the decision that having her friends make sacrifices instead of her so that she can get what she wants is the way to go, and that puts her friends in a terrible position. It’s just a little gross, is what it is.

To be sure, we are all on board with shifting things around in your budget in order to get your dream dress—like, for real, get that Marchesa, girl—but that is something you and your fiance should do with your own funds and calculator. Trust us: Whether we’re talking financial or emotional support, your bridesmaids are already doing enough.

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