Ask the Expert: I Think the Bride Forgot My Plus One. Is It Okay to Remind Her? 

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Question: I was recently invited to a wedding of an old family friend. I’d like to go, but I won’t know anyone else there, and I wasn’t invited with a date. I have a sense that that’s more because she doesn’t actually realize or remember that I have a serious significant other (we’ve known each other a long time, but don’t speak often)—not because her guest list can’t afford it.

Is there a tactful way to mention my boyfriend to her over the coming weeks, or should I just forget it? I just don’t want to decline the invite just because I won’t know a soul there.

Answer: Before you decide if you’re going to speak to the bride, says wedding planner Lynda Barness of Philly’s I Do Wedding Consultants, you’ve got to decide for yourself if you wouldn’t go to the wedding without your significant other.

If that’s what you decide, then honesty is the best policy, says Barness. “I would suggest a simple phone call to your friend the bride. With all the wedding preparations, it may have totally slipped her mind that you have a significant other.” Explain how long this has been “significant,” too, since many couples only invite people who are living together or who have been together for a certain amount of time.

Let her know that you also realize you may not have been invited with a date due to reasons on her end, too—but that you just wanted to check because at this point in your relationship, you wouldn’t go to a wedding solo. “Tell her that you understand that the decision may not be flexible, and that while you wish her well with no hard feelings, you may not be able to attend.”

For more Ask the Expert questions, go here.

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