ASK THE EXPERT: Should You Send a Wedding Invitation to Someone You Know Can’t Come?

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So you may recall the question I posed (kind of to myself) in a post yesterday, though in case not, here is a review: I read an article that said sending a wedding invitation to someone who you knew could not attend your wedding was bad etiquette, as it seemed gift-grabby.

I wasn’t so sure about that declaration, because as I had always heard—and honestly, agreed with—you should still send an invitation to someone who would normally be invited to your wedding but who you either feel like won’t be able to make it or who you know can’t attend, because they should still be given the courtesy of the invitation, and to officially decline. (You know—that, and hard evidence that they really actually are invited, instead of just you saying, “Oh! Too bad! You’re busy that day? Damn, that’s our wedding!”)

And so, wondering if perhaps I was outdated or somesuch—it seems like many etiquette “rules” these days have changed a bit to move along with our oversensitive times—I checked in with seasoned Philly wedding planner Gina Sole to see what was what. And guess what?

“It is proper etiquette to send everyone who you would want to witness your marriage vows an invitation,” she says. Because the thing is, a wedding invitation truly is just about asking someone to be there when you get married. “They should know that they were thought of and welcome,” says Sole, who even just recently had a client with quite a few overseas guests—close friends, former coworkers—she figured wouldn’t be able to make it, but wanted them to know they were invited, anyway. And of course, she says, some of this does depend on the individuals and their relationship with the guest(s) in question—but in general, don’t worry about looking gift-grabby here. Just invite who you want to invite, all predicted RSVPs aside.

Have any of you run into this conundrum? How have you handled it?

RELATED: 12 Easy-to-Make Wedding Etiquette Mistakes

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