Even if you haven’t talked with your groom about it—even if you haven’t talked with your girlfriends about it—we know you’ve thought about it: Should that one college boyfriend who you broke with amicably get an invite to your wedding? (You like pictures of his baby on Facebook!) Will your fiance want to invite that childhood-into-high-school sweetheart of his? (His parents and hers still do dinner parties!) It’s the old invite-the-exes question, and every single engaged couple in the world has got to answer it before they seal up those envelopes, stick their little customized stamp in the corner, and send them out to their loved ones’ mailboxes.
An essay we read on HuffPo today on this very topic (and one that made a lot of good points) got us thinking—and wondering what you all thought about the subject.
I have a friend who did invite a significant ex who she is still good friend with to her wedding–and he came. And it was fine. She key, she says, was two fold: One, that, of course, she and her now-husband both mutually agreed on every single person on the guest list, especially anyone potentially questionable like an Ex. And two, and perhaps more weighty, is that the two men had met and even hung out a few times before the wedding. “I mean, we still would have most likely invited him even if they hadn’t,” she says. “But it definitely made a difference. It definitely made it better.”
I have another friend who was a bridesmaid in the wedding of one of her best friends, who married a guy she had once dated. It was 100 years ago, my friend was already married herself by the time she was a ‘maid—in short, no one cared, no big deal. But she still said that as she stood up there, clutching her bouquet and beaming at the couple, her brain couldn’t help but remind her: “I have. Had sex. With. The. Groom.” There was no emotion attached to it, but it was still an odd soundtrack to have during her friend’s wedding. The ex thing at weddings can just be like that.
A few issues of Philadelphia Wedding back, we published an essay on this topic, penned by a guy who was somewhat relieved and miffed all at once when he found out a significant ex-girlfriend was married, and he had never heard a word of it. (He also points out that if you go nuts and invite a few exes to your wedding, that those exes will undoubtedly find each other, and that they will talk about you. So there’s that to consider.)
So, we’re curious: How do you and your groom feel about this subject? Has it come up? Will you be extending an invite to any former flames, or are romantic pasts strictly for Facebook and most definitely not for sitting in the pews as you say your vows? Tell us your stories and what you think in the comments!