No, Millennials Aren’t Ruining the Workforce

First, a disclaimer.

Even though I technically fall in the “millennial” camp — a generation that Pew defines as adults age 18-34 — I’m on the upper end of the spectrum, and it’s starting to show. I don’t know how to use Snapchat, I get anxious every time someone talks about Peach, and I just recently upgraded to an iPhone 4. A little over a year ago I invested in a sectional sofa and premium cable, so my days of being even the least bit relevant are numbered.

But, yes, still a millennial. And as such, according to a recent piece in Philadelphia magazine, part of a generation that is responsible for “ruining the workforce.”

Did I raise an eyebrow at that headline? Yes. Did I raise it as high as some of my fellow millennials? Judging by the hundreds and hundreds of heated comments the article inspired, absolutely not. (I mean, Jesus Christ, guys — calm down already. I’ve gotten divorced with less drama.)

As deliciously millennial as it would be to write an opinion piece critiquing an opinion piece, I’m going to pass. (Or, am I going to tip-toe around it for another 400 words in a millennial tightrope-walking act, reluctant to commit and afraid to offend in the absence of a trigger warning?) Instead, in the interest of restoring the peace, I’m here to dispel some common misconceptions about my people. Read more »

Missanelli: The Last Thing the Eagles Need Is Another “Genius” Coach

Left: Pat Shurmur (Jeff Fusco); Right: Sean McDermott as the Eagles defensive coordinator in 2009 (Howard Smith, USA Today Sports)

Left: Pat Shurmur (Jeff Fusco); Right: Sean McDermott as the Eagles defensive coordinator in 2009 (Howard Smith, USA Today Sports)

Al Pacino once famously said about Chip Kelly and his tenure with the Philadelphia Eagles: “He took a FLAMETHROWER to this place.”

OK, maybe I’ve got the context all screwed up, but basically, that’s what Kelly did to the Philadelphia Eagles. And it wasn’t like we didn’t predict it. When Kelly was tinkering with his culture-beats-scheme principles, the fanbase was thinking either this guy is a total genius, or he’s taking this franchise to the bowels of hell. This season, and the Eagles’ terrible regression, proved it was more of the latter than the former.

So where does the team go now? Read more »

How to Deal With the Mummers: 4 Steps Inspired by Your Racist Aunt on Facebook

Finnegans New Years Brigade 2016

Finnegans New Year’s Brigade’s Caitlyn Jenner performance on Friday. (Photo: Dan McQuade)

If you believe the Mummers, things will be different next year.

In a press release issued Sunday, parade organizers condemned this year’s antics — including brown face, signs referring to Caitlyn Jenner as a “tranny,” an attack on a gay man and This Unholy Specimen — and outlined an impressive, seemingly sincere plan to make next year a more inclusive event.

Newly minted Mayor Jim Kenney, for one, seems hopeful. “There’s been lots of strides that the Mummers Parade has made over the years, but there is always one dumb thing that happens that really does affect people and offend people,” he said Tuesday. “We have to try to start over, and we’re working on that with the human relations commission and our LGBT affairs leader Nellie Fitzpatrick.” And now there’s discussion of sensitivity training, pre-screening of acts, sanctions and more.

I like Kenney, and I hope he’s right. But at the same time, this is only his fifth day on the job. It’s easy to have hope less than a week into even the most impossible of gigs, to truly believe that a mix of hard work and know-how can bring about change and uncover truth. (I’ve never been mayor, but I have bartended at TGI Friday’s, so I feel pretty qualified to pass on this advice: When your blender shorts out during the middle of the Ultimate Mudslide happy hour that is Philadelphia, Mr. Kenney, just try to remember all of the reasons you don’t want to go to jail. I find writing them on a napkin helps.) Read more »

How Millennials Are Ruining the Workforce

Illustration by Jason Raish

Illustration by Jason Raish

As a boomer, I have a special interest in millennials. It’s the same sort of interest I have in car wrecks: I don’t want to see what’s going on, but I can’t look away. Take, for instance, the cover story that Time magazine had a few months back about how millennials are raising their children. I didn’t read the article. I couldn’t, because the very first paragraph stopped me cold. Here it is, reproduced in full:

On a playground in San Francisco, 4-year-old Astral Defiance Hayes takes a stick and writes his name in the sand. His twin brother Defy Aster Hayes whizzes around their father.

The fact is, I don’t need to know anything more about how millennials are parenting than that two of them thought it was a great idea to name their twin boys Astral Defiance and Defy Aster.

I mean: Who does that? Read more »

Who Cares if the New Eagles Coach “Understands the Passion of Our Fans”?

Jeffrey Lurie. (Jeff Fusco)

Jeffrey Lurie. Photo | Jeff Fusco

The Eagles are looking for a new coach. This is actually quite a big deal, as it hasn’t happened very often recently. If we ignore interim coach Pat Shurmur, Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie has only hired three coaches: Ray Rhodes, Andy Reid and Chip Kelly. (He inherited Rich Kotite, who Lurie fired after he opened 7-2 and lost his last seven games.)

Lurie is no Ed Snider. The Flyers owner had the team fire Terry Simpson two weeks after Lurie bought the Eagles and is on his 10th head coach since. Lurie is only hiring his fourth non-interim guy. Lurie said he wants someone who “understands the passion of our fans and what it’s like to coach the Philadelphia Eagles. It’s a unique and incredibly passionate fanbase that just wants to win. You’ve got to incorporate that in your life, in your heart and you’ve got to be willing to do that.”

Read more »

A Modest Proposal to End State Budget Impasse: Fire Half the Pa. Legislature

harrisburg in half

I’ve got a solution to the ongoing budget crisis in Harrisburg — let’s tear down the General Assembly and start over again.

Let’s abolish the Pennsylvania House, govern the state with a unicameral legislature elected from our current Senate districts, and make our state government finally, belatedly effective.

It’s an extreme solution, sure, but the problem is extreme: We start 2016 without 2015’s budget work complete. And it’s not like this is a new problem: Tom Corbett’s run of on-time budgets aside — his only real accomplishment — late budgets occur so often that they appear to be a feature, not a bug, of Harrisburg governance. There is zero reason to believe this year’s budget process, due to start in just a few weeks, will go any better than last year’s. Read more »

People Are Angry at the 2016 Mummers Parade

Stop me if you’ve heard this before: The Mummers Parade was really offensive this year.

Well, okay, don’t stop me. But here’s the deal: This year, the Mummers Parade was supposed to embrace diversity. Here’s a French TV station writing about it! Before the parade, the Daily NewsStu Bykofsky mocked the idea that the Mummers need to be more diverse. So here is what happened this year.

Some wench brigades carried signs that said “Wench Lives Matter.” Maybe that’s more “we’re making a reference to a current event!” than openly offensive. Maybe. (There were the same signs last year.) But then this: The Sammar Strutters did a Mexican theme where they wore brownface and danced dressed as Mexican stereotypes.

It continued. Finnegan New Year’s Brigade did a whole skit based on Caitlyn Jenner‘s transition from Bruce. The bit was a guy dressed as Bruce disappearing into the crowd of 100 or so Mummers and coming out dressed as Caitlyn. (He did not even do a costume change; they used two people.) There were a lot of people in Finnegan, and not one person said, “Hey, maybe we shouldn’t do this.” Or, if people did, they were ignored.

There were lots of Caitlyn Jenner jokes at the Mummers yesterday. Whoever runs Finnegan’s Twitter account went back and forth with people all night defending their skit until asking people to “Be a man literally and contact our email.” I did! I didn’t get a reply. I also tried to contact the Sammar Strutters with no luck. I did talk with a spokesman from SugarHouse Casino, the parade’s lead sponsor. No one from the casino was available to comment, because they were at the parade. Read more »

Missanelli: On Chip Kelly, Jeffrey Lurie Made the Right Move — Finally

Jeffrey Lurie at the 2013 press conference announcing the hiring of Chip Kelly. Photo | Jeff Fusco

Jeffrey Lurie at the 2013 press conference announcing the hiring of Chip Kelly. Photo | Jeff Fusco

Jeffrey Lurie did the right thing.​

It may have flabbergasted most of us when word came down early Tuesday night that Lurie had fired Chip Kelly, his prized possession coach, after the 15th game of a disappointing non-playoff season. Lurie is seen by most of the fan base as a pacifist who would rather give his employees a longer rope than cut that rope before its time.

​But the owner looked around, didn’t like what he saw, didn’t like the opponents rolling up 40 on his squad, didn’t like the fact that some players were quitting on the coach (Jason Peters?), didn’t like Chip’s convoluted answers in those horridly boring, filibuster press conferences where Kelly most of the time threw everybody else under the bus except himself and then on Monday gave some weird answer about him not really being the general manager.

​The pressure built up in the valve and something had to blow. Read more »

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