Main Line Drugpocalypse the Result of Ecstasy Vortex?

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Shutterstock.com

Place your bets now, sports fans. The smart money is on “vortex” for 2014.

For what, you ask? Oh, only the most important award of all: the American Dialect Society’s Word of the Year! Last year’s winner, “because,” — as in “because science” — beat out such zeitgeist-y dialectical elements as “selfie,” “twerk” and “Obamacare” to take home the top honor.

This year — though we’re a mere third of the way through it — has brought all manner of vortexes into our lives and our newsfeeds: The Polar Vortex froze our noses (as well as our fingers, our toes and our stink bugs.) The Pollen Vortex is about to make Claritin the most sought-after drug on the market.

We can’t escape the vortexes of 2014 — but maybe we should try.

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The Martyrdom of Mothers Must End

Did you buy your mom a Mothers’ Day card yet? It’s probably been on your mind since Monday when American Greeting dropped this heavy-handed reminder right into your Facebook Newsfeed.

The ad, created by Boston agency Mullen, features real-life job applicants interviewing via Skype for “the world’s toughest job.” They’re reminded of a series of bonkers-sounding requirements, like having to be able to stand for 135 hours a week with no breaks and holding a degree in medicine, finance and the culinary arts.

Of course, the big reveal is that the world’s toughest job is — wait for it — being a mom. Cue the groans from cynics everywhere and the squeals of delight from the easily impressed.

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How to Get out of Having the Birds and the Bees Talk With Your Kid

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World War II fascinates my 10-year-old son Michael, so I rented the movie Pearl Harbor from Verizon. I forgot what a horrible movie it is and how director Michael Bay tried to force a love triangle into the plot. Before the Japanese attack, there were a lot of intense kissing scenes, which bothered my 7-year-old son David.

“Every time they kiss, my penis starts to shake,” he yelled out.

We probably were not supposed to laugh, but my wife and I couldn’t help it. It was a genuinely funny line and it wasn’t his last. Spurred on our laughter, David said, “It’s like I have an alien in my pants. It just keeps getting bigger and bigger.”

(At this point I want to write a message to future David for when he Googles his name years from now and reads this. I am not writing this to embarrass you or the alien. You were just naturally funny and I hope you still are as you read this. If not, I’ll pay for the therapy … or a car … which ever is cheaper.)

I share this story first and foremost because, as I said, it’s funny. But also, because my wife then told me that I soon need to talk with my two boys about sex, especially Michael.

When Is the Right Time to Talk to Your Kid About Sex? »

Flyers Playoff Game Bumps Miley Cyrus Concert

NBC 10  reports: “The Philadelphia Flyers announced this evening that Miley Cyrus’ BANGERZ TOUR, originally scheduled for Tuesday, April 22nd, will now take place on Monday, April 21st. Live Nation rescheduled the concert to accommodate the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Game three of the first-round of the Stanley Cup Playoff series between the Flyers and New York Rangers will take place April 22.”

Which raises the obvious question: Anybody want to guess the over-under on the number of crestfallen Miley fans we’ll see at the arena that Tuesday night?

Hall & Oates Enter Hall of Fame, Strike Blow for Philly Musicians

Hall & Oates entered the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Thursday night, flying their Philly flag high:

Daryl Hall, of Hall & Oates, noted unhappily that they were the first Philadelphia act in the Hall of Fame, citing Todd Rundgren, the Stylistics and Chubby Checker as omissions. In a video-clip interview, Mr. Oates described himself as “the most underrated and highly paid backup singer in the history of music.”

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VIDEOS: 6 Great Letterman Philly Moments

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Sometime next year, there won’t be any more Top 10 lists. There won’t be any more stupid human tricks or throwing items off a five-story building. (Okay, I don’t think David Letterman has thrown anything off a building in a while.) But, yes, after 21 seasons of the Late Show with David Letterman, he’s announced his retirement.

Even though I haven’t watched Letterman in some time, this is very much a changing-of-the-guard moment. Ever since I was nine — so, just a little bit before I was old enough to sneak viewings of late-night TV — the late-night hosts were Leno and Letterman. Leno finally retired for good last month (we can assume, anyway) and now Letterman will be gone in 2015. It just seems … weird. Letterman was the late-night talker I watched in high school — well, Letterman and Conan — and now he won’t be on TV any more. For people my age, Letterman may as well have been on since the start of television. It’d be like telling another generation that 60 Minutes has been canceled. This makes me feel old.

As a tribute to Dave, I grabbed some Philadelphia-related clips from Letterman from around the Internet.

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Dear L.A.: Here’s What You Can Expect from Jay Z and Made In America. XOXO, Philly

Photo | Charles Sykes/Invision/AP

Photo | Charles Sykes/Invision/AP

Early this week, word leaked that Live Nation and Jay Z were exploring the possibility of bringing the Made in America festival to Los Angeles, sparking a hearty dose of conversation rabble-rabble-rabbling over the prospect of 50,000 people in Deadmau5 heads scurrying all over the city’s revitalized downtown.

L.A. mayor Eric Garcetti’s office seems stoked on the possibility of the two-day concert, which, if it happens, will reportedly run in tandem with Philly’s event over Labor Day weekend this year. The director of Grand Park, which would serve as MiALA’s home base, described Hova’s involvement as “pretty rad.” (Aw, California.) But the proposal has earned the ire of city councilman Jose Huizar, who’s raised formal concerns about all the issues that arise when you deliberately invite a bunch of people who like molly to the same place at the same time.

All kidding aside, the fact that MiA targeted Philly in the first place is a big civic compliment, and there are numerous positives to consider. In its two years, the public opinion surrounding MiA has shifted significantly — many who cried surefire shitshow from the beginning came out impressed by the fest’s execution, not to mention the economic booster shot and six-figure sum ticket sales raised for charity (the United Way, last year). But an event of this magnitude also has its problems, and now that we’ve got two in the books and Bud has said it wants to host the fest here for the foreseeable future, we’re well-qualified to discuss them.

Here’s a small sampling of what Angelenos should expect if we become music festival eskimo brothers.

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The #CancelColbert Controversy: Should Racial Insensitivity Be a Fireable Offense?

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Twitter is one of those places where there is always outrage, and sometimes it’s hard to tell which part of the outrage war really has legs.

Last week, Stephen Colbert found himself in the middle of crossfire for a tweet from the Colbert Report deemed offensive to Asians.

Quickly, a #CancelColbert hashtag gained momentum in protest. Colbert has since acknowledged the tweet (which came from the show’s account, not his) in the same brand of schtick and satire, satisfying few:

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Are Children’s Books Sexist?

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Here are some of the things you can learn in The Daring Book for Girls and its sequels:

• How to make a geyser out of Diet Coke and Mentos.

• How to do science projects.

• How to build a zipline.

• How to build a campfire.

• How to surf, make a raft, and play football.

Sure, there’s also stuff about double dutch, cat’s cradle, and the like (and perhaps the cover of the book a bit too sparkly for the taste of some) but the point is this: The Daring Book for Girls and its sequels are about expanding horizons — not about limiting girls to self-consciously girly things.

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