Kyle Beckerman’s Engagement Photos Make Me Ashamed to Be an American

That hat! Those google-eyes! That canoe!

USA midfielder Kyle Beckerman following the game against Portugal during the 2014 World Cup at Arena Amazonia. Photo |  Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

USA midfielder Kyle Beckerman following the game against Portugal during the 2014 World Cup at Arena Amazonia. Photo | Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

I’m a big soccer fan. I was a big soccer fan even before this World Cup. I love watching soccer on TV. (I know — weird, right?) I get into arguments with my husband over Michael Bradley. I think Kyle Beckerman is the hottest thing since sliced bread.

Hold on. Make that “I thought” and “was.” Because I just saw Kyle Beckerman’s engagement photos, and I’ve changed my mind.




Isn’t it enough that an entire nation is obsessed with your dreadlocks? Why does a presumably self-respecting Jewish guy do this? And this? And this? What’s the impetus for this gross societal overshare by the much-admired captain of Real Salt Lake? You’re in love; you’re getting married. We’re happy for you! But these engagement photos — why?

How does rough, tough, not-afraid-to-score-a-yellow-card Kyle Beckerman get talked into this? Does his then-fiancé Kate Pappas say, “Oh, honey? Don’t plan anything for tomorrow, because we’re going out into the woods with a photographer and a canoe and this cool hat I bought for you and we’re going to make kissy-faces with each other?” Or, worse, did Kyle pick out that hat himself? Has he ever been in a canoe before? (He doesn’t look it.) Do he and Kate spend a lot of time lounging around empty soccer fields, practicing handstands on each other’s chests? How do you look Bastian Schweinsteiger in the eye after something like that?

I know, I know; everybody’s doin’ it, right? But sooner or later, there’s gotta be a cultural correction to this obsession with documenting and then splashing all over the place what used to be intimate moments reserved for sharing with family and close friends. These photos are now burned into my inner eyelids. I can’t unsee them. I’ll never think of Kyle Beckerman the same way again. With each sterling tackle he makes, with each astounding cut-off pass — even if he heads in the final winning World Cup goal — all I’ll be visualizing is him in that goddamned canoe, clad in that hat and not a shred of dignity.

Good luck on Tuesday, though.

Follow @SandyHingston on Twitter.

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  • Donald Sterling

    Sandy
    Lighten up and get over it
    Go write something more useful for the magazine

  • Ryan

    Seriously? The guy takes engagement photos and you are mad? I agree with Donald – go write something more useful.

  • collin foster

    Maybe he likes the out doors.. It’s not your wedding or engagement so don’t worry about it. Write something that is actually worth writing about.

  • Tark Blimtrep

    It truly does speak volumes about our poseur society and its “if it’s not on Instagram, it didn’t happen” mentality. So we are supposed to pre-arrange spontaneity for photo-ops now too?!

  • Bonnie

    I didn’t realize that a couple’s engagement photos, celebrity or not, were up for scrutiny. Can’t he and his fiancé have these beautiful photos? Do you know anything about his personal life away from soccer? How do you not know that this “theme” ties a common bond between he and his soon-to-be wife.

    Once again, the NEWS is failing us by slamming a beautiful couple rather then reporting, i don’t know, actual news or something worth reading about.

  • Amanda

    It’s sad that because of engagement photos, you are now ashamed to be an American. I am ashamed YOU are an American.

  • b weir

    Actually, Kyle is a big fly fisherman, that is his gear. And that Canoe is owned by Kyle and Kate; they frequently canoe together. What a pointless and rude article. Further more, they met at that soccer field so I would consider it a fitting venue to have their engagement photos taken. What exactly, is so wrong about two people celebrating being in love in their own special way?

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  • IamAmericaaaaaa

    Sandy Hingston, I now know when I see your name not to read that article. You are ridiculous! You are the one without a shred of dignity.

  • JustJoshin

    You all need to lighten up! This was funny – Thanks for the laugh! You must have missed the comment in the article that these kinds of photos SHOULD be kept as a private memento for family and friends…but they were made publicly available. Why? Obviously so people can react to them – and you’re gonna get the good with the bad. For those of you complaining that this isn’t news: Seriously? This is Philly Mag, not CNN (and even then it’s a stretch sometimes)….What did you expect???

  • Maggie

    It’s okay. Don’t worry. There are still some people with a sense of humor. And many people who do value privacy, by the way.

  • http://batman-news.com PPABootsquadVinnie

    I love watching train wrecks And listening to the comments about those wrecks like all this dreck.
    I also like watching the Phillies, but sometimes that’s even too much for me.

  • Philly2step

    Wow, this is one of the most astonishingly pathetic articles I’ve ever read. I’m impressed you took the time out of your day to even think about this, let alone write an article that puts your self-loathing on display for the world to see.

    • dnabrice

      Sandy, who pays you? i think I might want to apply for a job. Doesn’t appear to take much.

  • Agaznog

    Really?! Who let you write on here? Leave them alone in their moment and direct your tired cynicism to people who actually deserve it.

  • Kyle

    Ignorant, very ignorant.

  • Tony

    It appears someone is heart broken and overly jealous that he is getting married. Seriously? Out of all the things to write about; you chose this? Engagement photos? This is why I’m ashamed to be an American.

  • Dont_rent_here

    I’m ashamed to be someone that briefly scanned through this article. Sandy, you owe me 2 minutes of my life back and one brain cell.

  • Tito P.

    Why do you presume he is Jewish? According to Wiki, he went to Catholic School in Maryland.

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  • Kelsey Soper

    Am I the only american who actually pictured Beckerman as this type of guy? Has the writer of this article seriously never seen a guy who has dreads and loves nature????….”Has he ever been in a canoe before? (He doesn’t look it.)” I feel like the writer of this is a sheltered NYC or LA girl who has never been hiking or to a river?

  • justthetruth

    “Entire nation is obsessed with……” – Really? Never heard of him and now that I read this and KIND of know who he is (and still don’t care) he can do anything he wants online or otherwise with his fiance or ten fiances. To be annoyed by this or to NOT be annoyed by it – time to stop the vicarious-ness. God I wish cool anonymity would return. Haven’t had it in this country for some time.

  • Sophia Jackson

    Google is paying 80$ per hour! Work for few hours and have more time with

    friends & family! On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from

    having earned $4151 this last four weeks… Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve

    had. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it

    ——————————————————–..

    Here ­­­­­­­­­is ­­­­­­­­­I ­­­­­­­­­started,————,, WoR­­­k0.­­­C­­­O­­­M

    ——————————————————–

    GO TO THE SITE AND CLICK NEXT TAB FOR MORE INFO AND HELP

  • Johnny Domino

    No wonder Klinsmann benched him.

  • Denis

    Dear Sandy, You’re an inflammatory idiot regurgitating sensationalist nonsense so you can make your weekly word quota. Please find something better to do with your time.

  • chycky

    Wow the comments here are crazy. I thought the article was funny, a nice tip of the hat (no pun!) to soccer infiltrating mainstream. And, I do think the photos are creepy and I don’t care if he does fish in Pharrrell hat it looked bizarre and made me feel uncomfortable!