Pope Francis Just Provided Us With the Most Awesome Road House Fan Fiction Scenario, Ever

The pontiff once worked as a bouncer.

This is the most awesome thing to happen in the Catholic Church in 2000 years:

Pope Francis has disclosed he used to work as a nightclub bouncer, according to a report from the Catholic News Service citing the Vatican newspaper, L’Osservatore Romano.The revelation came during a visit Francis paid Saturday to the Church of San Cirillo Alessandrino outside Rome. There, he reportedly told parishioners of his work as a club bouncer.

Reportedly, Pope Francis—whose given name was “Wade Garrett”—was injured in one fight with local toughs hired by Ben Gazarra, taking a knife wound across his ribs. He went to a hospital and received stitches from a beautiful blonde doctor, but refused any pain-killers. “Pain don’t hurt,” he told the doctor, setting the foundation for a career that would eventually take him to the Vatican.

We have video of his early work:


God works in mysterious ways.