Central PA School Wants to Keep Wrestling A Purely Homoerotic Experience, Thanks

They don’t want girl parts and boy parts rubbing together. Two boys? Everybody’s just fine with that.

In an unexpected display of open-mindedness and adventurism, parents in Central Pennsylvania have declared they want to keep wrestling a completely homoerotic sport. Yes, there’s a girl who wants to join the otherwise all-boys team at the Line Mountain School District—but that kind of competition would involve female parts rubbing against male parts. Yuck! Male parts against male parts, though? Everybody’s pretty cool with that.

The Patriot-News reports:

Due to the continual close contact involved in wrestling, the sport warrants a separation between male and females, especially when the individuals reach the age of puberty, the district states in a brief filed with the court.


Students, regardless of gender, have a "right to be protected from undesired contact of sensual body parts from a person of the opposite sex," it says.

If A.B. is permitted to wrestle it will put coaches and boys 12 to 15 years old in an awkward and uncomfortable position that could result in them refusing to practice or compete, the district says.

So see! The school district isn't discriminating against a young woman who wants to prove her worthiness on the mat. They're protecting teen boys from the disturbing, unwanted moment of "sensual" contact—preserving it entirely for slow, sweaty grappling entirely with other boys one's own age!

And we've got no problem with that! It's not the argument we expected, however.