While New Jersey’s politicians are worrying about whether they should force the gay marriage issue any further, a menace is walking the plains, getting smarter, and plotting its revenge.
I’m talking, of course, about cows. Those damn dirty bovines have been giving Jerseyans trouble this week, with two cows recently making their escape from the back of a trailer as it was on its way to have them turned into delicious, delicious meatparts. The cows evidently got wise to the plan somewhere in Montvale, crashing out of their trailer and disrupting traffic for a period of time before police could wrangle them and bring rightful human order to the area.
For their efforts, the cows will be allowed to live out their days on a Bergen County farm.
But don’t worry about evil, super-genius cows just yet—this appears to be nothing more than a case of an inexperienced owner. Apparently, one Montvale resident purchased the heifers to have them slaughtered in Paterson, which evidently is the place to go if you need some killing done.
Still, though, this type of bovine aggression cannot stand. We as Americans, as brothers of New Jersey, must come down on our spotted livestock with an iron fist and squash any thoughts of a cow uprising before it starts. We are, after all, talking about New Jersey here.
So do your part: tonight, order a steak. [Fox]