Five Tips for Navigating the New and Complicated World of Sexting

At least with phone sex you had one hand free.

Courting today is completely different than in years past. Texting has played a major role in changing how we communicate. No longer are relationships based on trying to catch someone on the phone or, heaven forbid, having long, drawn-out conversations. Even email has become completely passé.

Couples have ditched all of the above for the easy and immediate gratification of texting. When and where to meet, what to wear and even a quick “Can’t wait to see you” are now all transmitted via a text message. Once a relationship is underway, couples with a good imagination can find ways to be together in an instant, even from afar.

As recently as five years ago, late-night romantic wooing was done via phone sex, where at least you could hear some panting and moaning. To quote Fergie (the Black Eyed Pea, not the red-headed royal), “That was so 2008.” Here in 2013, sexting has taken center stage as the new means of foreplay when apart. The real trick with this medium is that it requires a high level of ambidextrous skill. At least with phone sex you had one hand free.

When participating in sexting with a new lover, here are some guidelines to consider before things get too heated.

  • Your reputation is paramount. Whatever you put in writing exists forever. Make sure that you are in a committed, trusting relationship before exposing yourself (both literally and figuratively). All that you say while hot and bothered can and might be forwarded.
  • Never send a picture, no matter what the relationship. Two words: “Brett Favre.”
  • Define what you are really looking for in the relationship so there is no disappointment the morning after when you are embarrassingly looking at the thread of texts from the passionate night’s activity.
  • Take your partner’s lead. If they have a more conservative approach to sexuality, no need to be the aggressor and take things to a new level of kink.
  • Don’t use sexting in place of a lunch get together, a dinner date or more importantly face-to-face time.

Spicing things up in a relationship is natural and fun. When taking intimacy to the next level, one needs to think about what they are really looking for in the relationship. Is it going to be a fleeting encounter or is there long-term potential? When bearing your emotions and fantasies in writing, make sure to do so in a sensible and smart way. You don’t want to see your intimate desires laid out for all of his or her bowling buddies to see, and for years to come.

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  • William Casey

    Thanks for highlighting the issue, Simon. Disclosing intimate images to annoy or harm someone is not just an ugly betrayal of trust, it’s an increasing problem that has serious potential consequences for victims. While the language is still being developed, Senator Schwank is actually looking closer to home for her model: across the Delaware River. Her proposal would depend on whether the person posting an image has authority or other right to do so, as New Jersey’s law does, not on who took the image.