PHOTOS: Emmy Dresses, Who Was Hot and Who Was Not

A guy’s take on Emmy fashion

In February, I weighed in on the fashion hits and misses of the Academy Awards—not as someone with a clue about couture or designers, but as a straight guy ogling celebrities. Smartly coordinated accessories are meaningless; who’s wearing who, of no concern. Instead, the question is, WWMD? (Who Would Maxim Do?) With that knuckle-dragging philosophy in mind, here are the hits and misses from last night’s Emmy Awards.

Julianne Hough
Slutty mermaid. Not in a good way.
Grade: C

Sofia Vergara
There are two reasons why guys watch Modern Family. Both of them are seen here.
Grade: A

Claire Danes
Never has so much cleavage looked so boring.
Grade: C

Heidi Klum
The alien-princess-choker thing is weird. But c’mon, it’s Heidi Klum.
Grade: B+

January Jones
My grandmother had a tablecloth like that.
Grade: D+

Lena Dunham
And curtains like that.
Grade: D

Paula Abdul
And wrapping paper like that.
Grade: F

Christina Hendricks
Points off for tasteful cleavage.
Grade: A-

Lena Headey
Is that her underwear? A nipple, maybe? I’m going with “yes.”
Grade: A

Brooke Burke
This woman has four kids.
Grade: A

Zosia Mamet
I do not understand what’s going on. Don’t think she does, either.
GRADE: F

Aubrey Plaza
Slutty pilgrim. Not in a good way.
Grade: D