Get a Room, People

Have you ever had this scenario happen? You’re out on a Saturday night with your husband and two other married couples for a relaxing dinner. But instead of digesting your food and fine wine, you’re ready to upchuck because one of your fellow couples can’t keep their hands off each other. Every time a partner leaves for the bathroom or to say hello to someone they know at another table, a make-out session erupts upon their return. During the meal, hands are wandering to places that other people need not see.

Basically, what you’re dealing with here are couples who don’t exercise boundaries in public, and you wish they had cancelled and stayed home (which is where they would appear to be instead). Are they so in love that they can’t leave the bedroom? Or is this just a big show in need of an audience? There are true signs of people who are in a solid confident relationship, and then there are those who might be on shaky ground, and just go overboard trying to prove otherwise. Here are signs of the latter.

• The man introduces his wife as “his beautiful bride” twenty years down the road. Spare me! Most men wouldn’t think to introduce their bride this way on the night of their wedding. This couple is full of it.
• The husband and wife always have to sit next to each other at the table even when the ladies are sitting together on one end and the men at the other. If you can’t be apart for a two-hour dinner, something is not right.
• Everything is honky dory 24: 7 for this couple. There are never any complaints about a mate,  children or money. (Really??) A healthy couple can talk candidly, but without giving up too much information, about the fact that neither person (nor their kids) are perfect.
• The couple constantly needs to surround themselves with others, from Saturday night dinners to vacations. They actually fully book their social calendar in order to avoid alone time. (Compare to the twosome who goes to a BYOB on a Saturday night, because that is their true enjoyment—being together.)
• It is tough enough to watch people pawing at each other, but when they start talking about their plans for sexy times later that night, you know that both will be out cold snoring before their heads hit the pillow. Probably not even speaking on the car ride home to boot. Don’t buy into the bravado, it’s a facade.

It might seem that the couples who are all over each other are really the ones who are most in love … or at least most in lust. Not true at all. Those that do it in public likely aren’t doing it in private. All this touchy-feely nonsense is just a big show to mask insecurity and a bad marriage. Tongues down throats, sitting on laps and hands on rears at all times is for college co-eds who don’t know any better. Talking about how hot one’s sex life is adds up to nothing but exactly that…. talk. Who are they trying to convince? Those who are confident and comfortable with themselves and their relationship are more than fine holding hands on the boardwalk or giving each other a quick peck on the cheek when entering a room. It is these couples who are the most connected when the lights are out.