10 Celebrity Apologies We Wish Would Happen

Reese Witherspoon’s diva moment is way less offensive than Legally Blonde 2.

Lesson learned: Reese Witherspoon is kind of a diva. When her husband got pulled over for a DUI, she made a big old Hollywood scene by shouting, “Do you know my name?!” at police. She later issued an apology, stating that she was “deeply embarrassed” by what happened, blaming it on alcohol.

But, as commenters on this site ask me all the time, who really cares? It’s no shock that with a little liquid courage, a silver screen starlet would use her fame to try to get out of a legal issue. It’s even less of a surprise that she’d make a public apology. In our hyper-sensitive world, that’s why PR people exist. Frankly, I’m less offended by Witherspoon’s bad behavior—though her husband’s drunk driving is certainly a more serious offense—than I was about her appearance in Legally Blonde 2. Celebrity apologies are so commonplace that it seems everybody with a set of cement handprints has made one in the last five years, sometimes for issues so minor that they aren’t even offensive. Here, 10 celebrity public apologies I wish would happen.

Jay Leno
He owes a big one to Conan. And to the rest of us for making us endure another few years of his truly terrible late-night show.

Alex Trebek
Being the host of the nation’s most beloved game show is similar to being a Supreme Court judge: You’re in it for life. Trebek needs to say his I’m sorries for bailing out before the end.

Natalie Portman
Her so-quirky-it’s-cute-except-it-kinda-isn’t character in Garden State is, in my opinion, responsible for the current culture endorsement of socially inept leading ladies. (See: Everything Zooey Deschanel has ever been in.) I would like an apology on behalf of smart women everywhere.

Kanye West
The rapper gave what might be the most well-known apology of this generation when he made peace with Taylor Swift after interrupting her at the MTV VMAs. Flash forward four years and Kanye owes an apology to the American public for his relationship with Kim Kardashian. From every portmanteau-hating editor, I beg you, Kanye: Say you’re sorry for creating Kimye.

Ashton Kutcher
At the height of the Penn State sex-abuse scandal, the Dude, Where’s My Car? star made a social media faux pas when he came to the defense of Joe Paterno. He was clearly unaware of the Sandusky scandal and later apologized for the tweet. That’s nice and all, but shouldn’t Kutcher actually be begging us for forgiveness for the fact that he single-handedly continued the lifespan of Two and a Half Men?

Meg Ryan
America’s sweetheart tarnished her reputation when it came out that she’d cheated on her husband, Dennis Quaid, with Russell Crowe in 2008. But what she really needs to apologize for is her terrible judgement when it comes to plastic surgery. Seriously. What happened to her face?

John Mayer
After supposedly using the N-word in an interview with Playboy, Mayer fell on his sword, saying, “I am sorry that I used the word. And it’s such a shame that I did because the point I was trying to make was in the exact opposite spirit of the word itself.” Good on him. But what he really needs to be sorry for is inspiring Taylor Swift to write “Dear John,” perhaps the tween sensation’s most overwrought song yet.

Lindsay Lohan
I’m personally very worried about Lindsay and her troubles with drug and alcohol abuse. But instead of hearing her latest apology for those things, I think the world really just needs her to say, “I’m sorry, guys” for accepting the role in Liz and Dick. We knew from miles away that it would be a train wreck. And we were so right.

Lance Armstrong
Yeah, yeah. There was the big Oprah interview about his drug issues. But when will he just say he’s sorry for making every man I know think it is acceptable to wear plastic bracelets at all times?

J.J. Abrams
I still haven’t recovered from the mediocre ending of Lost. I’m not ready to forgive yet. But an apology would help.