Satire: Other Bad Things in Philly’s Proposed Teacher Contract

It’s clearly not a laughing matter to everybody, but the proposal by the Philadelphia school district to cut top salaries and a host of other wage-and-work rules for the city’s teachers is satirized today by BuzzFeed. Among that publication’s ideas for the new contract:

-Teachers must spend their morning prep periods making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for students. Any teachers who are allergic to peanuts will be forced to take a 10% reduction in salary.

- Water fountains will be removed from schools. Teachers will be given buckets to collect rain water in case they get thirsty.

- School nurses will be replaced by vending machines that will offer ice and crackers.

- Teachers will no longer have sick days. If a teacher gets sick, they will be given a face mask so their germs don’t spread. The cost of the face mask will be deducted from their bi-weekly pay.

Admittedly, we had to double-check it before deciding it was satire. (It originally appeared at The Cheesesteak.)