An Ode to Lena Dunham’s Thighs
Every woman has a body part she’s really not fond of. Some of us have more than one. Lena Dunham, creator, writer, star and director of HBO’s hit series Girls, has several body parts that aren’t like the usual body parts one sees on TV, which is odd, because we see these body parts all the time on her show. Since she’s the one in charge, you have to figure she wants us to see—nay, to dwell on—her pouchy belly and rounded shoulders and sizeable bottom, since the camera lingers on them often enough.
This may be the most radical act in all of television history.
With every slow, deliberate close-up of her less-than-perfect body, with every clothing-liberated turn around her apartment or in a lover’s bed, she’s committing a performance of unspeakable bravery. She’s saying, “Anne Hathaway? Jessica Biel? Angelina Jolie? You’ve got nothing on me.” And she doesn’t just say it; she works it, puts it all right out there with such stunning nonchalance, such what-the-fuckness, that I can’t help myself: I sit and stare in admiration and wonder. For someone like me, who’s spent a lifetime trying to minimize myself in the world’s eyes, Dunham is Gandhi and the Buddha and Christ all rolled up in one.
So I wrote a poem for her thighs, my favorite of her body parts. Well, it’s really a song, if you want to sing it. It goes to the tune of the 1980s Kim Carnes hit “Bette Davis Eyes” (youtube here if you don’t recall the original, or hear Taylor Swift cover it here). That’s what we do for our muses, right?
Lena Dunham Thighs
(to the tune of “Bette Davis Eyes”)
She likes her doughnut holes
She likes her cheesy fries
But they look good on her—
She’s got Lena Dunham thighs
She’s got that short skirt on—
The one that never lies
You want to tug it down
She’s got Lena Dunham thighs
And she’ll tease you
She’ll unease you
That dimpled flesh above her knees—whew!
It’s as solid
As a levee
That isn’t cellulite; it’s cellu-heavy
Try to see her through Rubens’ eyes
She’s got Lena Dunham thighs
Pick her up for a date
And get a big surprise
She shouldn’t wear those shorts
She’s got Lena Dunham thighs
Still you can’t help but touch
And let out heavy sighs
It’s all just way too much
She’s got Lena Dunham thighs
They’re so creamy
And extreme-y
When she makes love they get steamy
Kitchen counter,
Ping-pong table
Her backside’s so extremely stable
I swear that derriere is customized
She’s got Lena Dunham thighs
On the sofa
Or the settee
When she sits down they get kind of spread-y
Forget spinning,
Yoga, lifting
You’ll feel the earth move every time they’re shifting
And then they tighten up like a vise
She’s got Lena Dunham thighs