Iran’s Monkey Rockets Will Surely Drive the Jews Into the Sea

What happens when you give one of the world’s most anti-Semitic regimes the power to launch monkeys into space? Actually, nobody really knows, but can it be good? In any case, we’re about to find out:

Media outlets in Tehran today are reporting that the Iranian government has successfully launched a monkey into space. According to the AFP, the monkey was launched inside a capsule to an altitude of 75 miles before returning back to earth unscathed.

“Iran successfully launched a capsule, codenamed Pishgam (Pioneer), containing a monkey and recovered the shipment on the ground intact,” the defense ministry’s aerospace department said in a statement. The department added that the animal came back “alive” after completing its sub-orbital flight.

Today’s announcement comes two years after Iran successfully launched a ten-foot research rocket carrying a mouse, two turtles, and several worms. Officialsannounced plans to put a monkey in space earlier this month, as part of its ongoing mission to send a human to space by 2020, and to have an astronaut on the moon by 2025. Iran launched its first domestically built satellite into orbit in February 2009.

On its own, the monkey payload isn’t all that disturbing—to the extent that any rocketry advance by a regime that talks hopefully about Jewish genocide can be considered “not all that disturbing.” Western nations, though, are a little nervous that Iran might decide to put a nuke on one of those rockets one of these days. And yes, that would be more alarming.