And now, friends, it’s time to take a look back at 2012 and reflect on the people, the places and, yes, the things that contributed to our collective woes.
Joshua Scott Albert
The notorious Staphmeal blogger and gay porn performer went from being an annoying little attention-starved wanker to the defendant in a murder solicitation case. District Attorney Seth Williams himself showed up for a preliminary hearing. Since September, Albert has been sitting in the Curran-Fromhold Correctional Facility, where he’s probably getting a lot of the wrong kind of attention. A trial is expected in 2013.
The Water Mains
Don’t worry. I’m sure somebody at the Philadelphia Water Department is on top of this. Right?
Revel Atlantic City
When the Atlantic Club and Resorts post higher monthly gambling revenues than your $2 billion casino, you know you’ve done something horribly, miserably, pathetically wrong.
The Inquirer, Daily News and Philly.com Owners
So you pushed out your esteemed full-time theater critic and let your best columnist take a PR job at Penn, and now you want to put content behind a paywall and charge me to read Christine Flowers online? Yeah. Good luck with that.
The Cab Driver Who Defecated On the Sidewalk (action starts around the 1:45 mark)
Philadelphia Sports Fans
In previous years, you’d be on this list for puking on a kid or beating someone to death or generally being the unruly miscreants that you are. But this year, relative to other years, you’ve been fairly well-behaved. “Losing really seems to make our fans, while angrier, a bit more civil,” says Quizzo master and sports history buff Johnny Goodtimes. “The fans had absolutely nothing to cheer for this year. It really was a brutal year. Probably the worst year to be a Philly sports fan since 1998 or so.”
“Domestic cannibalism.” That is all.
The worst of the worst. The cream of the crap. The proverbial bottom of the barrel.
Those Pat’s King of Steaks Ads
Walnut Street Theatre
Two of the non-profit’s executives make nearly $1 million combined, with president Bernard Havard reporting a whopping $604,474 in total compensation. And for this, we get such groundbreaking theater as The Music Man and Grease.
Lists That Say Bad Things About Philadelphia
We’re mean, fat, ugly, dirty, poorly dressed, stinky, bad at driving, and … what am I forgetting? Oh yeah. That’s right. We’re friggin’ awesome. Hate on, haters.