The Amazing Kreskin Makes Predictions About the Phillies, the Inquirer and Civilization

Hint: It doesn’t look awesome.

This Sunday, the Amazing Kreskin visits the Sellersville Theater, which, in case you don’t know, is a charming little venue just off Route 309 between Quakertown and Montgomeryville. I checked in with the 77-year-old mentalist to find out about the Phillies’ chances this year and the future of the Inquirer. I didn’t exactly get answers to those. But I did get a whole lot more.

Hello, Kreskin?
Hello, hello, are you there? This is Kreskin. Where are you calling from again?

The Philly Post.
Yes, but are you actually in Philadelphia right now?

You’re the mind reader. Don’t you know?
[Silence] Oh boy.

[Click. Line goes dead. Redial.]

Hello, Kreskin?
I’m so sorry. I swear I did not hang up on you. I am having so many problems with these phones, this Verizon … So yes, Philadelphia. I like Philadelphia. I did the Mike Douglas Show there many times. I knew the city by heart. [Puts phone down. Says something to someone in the room.] I’m sorry, things are not always this disorganized here.

No problem. So how many shows are you doing these days as you get older?
Last year, 261 shows around the world. It’s getting scary out there. People are calling me, people in show business. And they’re telling me about cutbacks. Cutbacks. Unless you’re in the government. Then it’s a different story. That’s a sarcastic remark. Unfortunately, I mean it.

[Twenty minutes transpire, during which there are continued phone annoyances while Kreskin goes on—at length—about Al Jolson, "stripteasers," performing for the chairman of the board of Sara Lee, why Las Vegas won't let Kreskin gamble there, and the time he rode around with New York Post gossip columnist Cindy Adams on a hunt to find Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous host Robin Leach, who was hidden somewhere in the city. Kreskin would like you to know that it took 48 minutes. And that Leach was soused.]

So, Kreskin, I was hoping you could lend your expertise to some topics relevant to our city. First, will the Phillies or any of our other professional sports teams win a championship?
The last time time I made a sports prediction was the [2008] Super Bowl. The Giants won again. I predicted a Giants win by three points, and they did. But then I said you better seal this up. I’m not going to get involved with people losing money. That’s dangerous.

Will the Inquirer still be printed 10 years from now?
Well, you have to quote me very seriously. I have known newspaper people all my life. I don’t want to tell you that I see the future of newspapers. But I do seminars for business groups, seminars on intuition. And I give them a rule. Do not hire anybody on your staff unless they read at least one newspaper a day. If you walk into Fox, CBS, any of them, you’ll see on every desk piles of newspapers. I read four a day when I’m home.

Doesn’t the Internet suffice?
No. If you look at the Internet, you become an authority on your own point of view. With a newspaper, I start turning the pages, and I see a story I never would have even thought of. You’ll find things that fascinate you and widen the world.

Will Rick Santorum be the Republican nominee?
[Sigh] The campaigns have gotten tired. What, have there been 724 debates? There’s nothing much more to say. I advocate that we follow in the footsteps of Canada and England, where the campaigns are short. Whoever I predict for winning the election … I think of my heroes like Ben Franklin and some of the others who had a mistress in every port. I think it’s about time we realize that a person’s private life is no one damn’s business. The people of other countries smile at their leaders’ idiosyncrasies. I also find it interesting that so many of our legislators are in the legal field.

How do you mean?
Right now in England there are six attorneys for every 100,000 people. About the same in Japan. In the USA, there is one attorney for every 300 people. Everyone has an agenda to influence others. I think there are a little over 35,000 lobbyists in D.C. Full-time lobbyists! Our Founding Fathers would be turning over in their graves. I predict the day will take place when, not that people will riot, but will say Let’s clean house, let’s start all over again. Our government no longer reflects the people it supposedly serves. It’s an unhealthy place.

So what does the future hold?
Well, one in three teens and grade-school students do not know who the first president was. They don’t. I woulda thought that was a Jay Leno joke. But it’s not. And If we don’t study history, we’re destined to repeat it over and over. The only prediction I don’t like to talk about is one I made on CNN on January 1, 2001. I had written a book where I had gone to 50 famous people and asked them to predict the future of their business. The anchor person turned to the page with my own predictions on it. I had said that we’re at war, the American public doesn’t realize we’re at war, there is biological warfare. I interrupted on the air. I said, “I don’t know why I am saying this, but in September 2001, there could be a disaster in New York regarding two airlines.” I think it was an intuitive thing. I’ve toured the Middle East, Saudi Arabia. This War on Terrorism. I predict, I do not believe a single solitary human being alive today will live to see the end of this war. The longest wars in history are religious wars.

[Weird silence.]

So, okay. What about snow? We’ve barely had any this winter. Will we get any significant snowfall before spring?
You know, I love snow. One of my passions is cross-country skiing. I’m not a downhill skier. I can’t afford to be hospitalized. I’m a winter camper, too. I love the snow. God dammit, I miss a good snowball fight. But I don’t play fair. I pack five or six and then throw one right after the other. So, listen, if you come to the show on Sunday, be sure to say hello.

Kreskin, really. The winter. Snow.
Oh.

I’m cornering you on this one. You’ve got to give me one.
Okay, don’t get angry with me. No. No snow.

See the Amazing Kreskin at the Sellersville Theater this Sunday at 7:30 p.m. Tickets are $25.