Q&A: Doogie Horner

The comedian talks Kuwait and David Oh

Every Wednesday, I publish a Q&A with a notable Philadelphian. Today, I was hoping to run one with David Oh, the embattled city council at-large candidate. But that didn’t work out. Then I noticed that Quirk Books art director and former America’s Got Talent semi-finalist Doogie Horner was on Facebook chat, so I looked him up.

What are you doing right now?
Emailing Kuwait. These guys want me to do a show there. Trying to figure out if it’s a kidnapping attempt.

Yeah, this is the problem with being a funny guy. I don’t know if you’re being serious about the Kuwait thing.
I am. Think I’m going to do it.

Why would the Kuwaitis want you to do a show there?
They saw me on TV. AGT shows one year later in other countries.

Who would you be performing for? The Royals? Some sheiks?
I don’t know. It’s for a store opening. Seriously. But they are paying well.

Don’t tell me it’s another Tony Luke’s.
Every Moment, a clothing store.

Weird. So would you come up with a new Kuwaiti-friendly routine?
Yeah, I have to. No swearing. No religion jokes. And I assume no jokes about women driving cars or voting or whatever.

I imagine it could be a very tough crowd.
I’m anticipating that. I’m a glutton for punishment.

So I was hoping to run an interview with David Oh today, but no dice. And I’m feeling a little down. So I thought maybe I should talk to Doogie, since he has a show tonight. Maybe he can cheer me up.
Who’s David Oh?

He’s running for City Council.
Oh!

The guy who’s been accused of misrepresenting his military service. Green Beret. Special Forces. He’s been accused of lying about it. And so I wanted to get an interview. But. Alas.
When I Google “David Oh”, this is what comes up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTyNzfoQpSg. I’m willing to speak on his behalf.

Do I call you Doogie or David?
Call me Mr. Oh.

Mr. Oh, it seems that you’ve been spending the last month evading questions about your military service. Seems like an odd way to run a political campaign.
I’m just practicing the same tactics of evasion I learned while I was a Green Beret.

Can you clear up the record now? Did you ever actually see any action?
I’ve seen lots of action. I’ve looked at, with my eyes, a lot of activity of a military nature. Are we clear, soldier? I’ve also seen a lot of action films. Also, I think I’m Asian.

Before this whole mess, you were a front runner. Since then, you’ve been labeled a liar and the FOP has rescinded its endorsement of you. Do you think you still have a shot?
A long shot. But not longer than some of the shots I took while I was a sniper for the Green Berets. Oops, that information is classified. Redact.

Good luck with that. If elected, which seems increasingly unlikely, what is your first order of business as a City Councilman?
Revenge.

In summation, Mr. Oh, if you had to pick this city’s three biggest problems, what would they be?
1. Lack of respect for ex-Green Berets who are running for City Council.
2. No good cheap sandwiches in Old City.
3. Too many Pittsburgh transplants.
4. I can’t count.

Thanks, Mr. Oh. And thanks, Doogie. Did you really not know who David Oh was? Are smart young people in Philadelphia really that politically disengaged?
I really didn’t know. I am not very connected to the news. I don’t watch TV or read papers. And I don’t know squat about politics. Now I feel guilty.

See Doogie and friends tonight at his monthly Ministry of Secret Jokes comedy night at Fergie’s. It’s free. Get there early.