Take Your Balls and Go Home

Ultimately, the Republican assault on women’s rights is a loser’s game

Having spent the long weekend with my knuckles up against my teeth in astonishment at the load of cruel, mean-spirited legislation men across the nation have been proposing lately—no funding for Planned Parenthood, no food for impoverished pregnant women, no abortions for rape victims, no Head Start for poor kids—I have to ask: What’s got the white dudes so riled up? Why, exactly, have Republicans declared open season on women all of a sudden? Are their wives not being obsequious enough? Have their daughters all come out as lesbians? Are they having Fantasy Football withdrawal?

Of course, they cloak their legislative efforts as vital budget-cutting, far more vital than slicing back on, say, military spending. Do they know what the war in Iraq has cost? (Go here to see the dollars ticking away.) Do they really not want me to be able to get a Pap smear at Planned Parenthood, to guard against cervical cancer? They’re happy to deny contraception to women but want to provide it to wild horses? Dan Burton, are you kidding me? Don’t you guys have anything better to do?

That’s just the problem. They don’t. In America today, vastly more women than men are attending college (and doing better while they’re there). Industries that were largely male have been shedding employees in the recession, accounting for 82 percent of all jobs lost; those that are largely female, like nursing, are on healthy ground. The number of babies born to unwed mothers has been rising steadily, and now stands at 40 percent. More women today are living spouseless than espoused. Frankly, we’d rather hang out with our girlfriends or gay friends than go on bad dates—much less to the altar—with guys who adore Judd Apatow movies. So if we don’t need men to put a ring on our fingers, provide for us and our offspring, or even entertain us, what do we need them for?

Nothing gets under the collar of a self-righteous, Bible-thumping, “The man’s the rightful head of the household” jerk more than the notion that he might be superfluous. What else could explain the sudden tsunami of legislation intended to put the little woman right back where she belongs, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, with a bunch of toddlers clinging to her apron strings? In a world where even Sarah Palin calls Rick Santorum a “knuckle-dragging Neanderthal” for opining that she has more responsibility to stay home with her kids than he does to stay home with his, do House Republicans really expect to get away with this crap?

Some of it, maybe. The rest of it—the posturing, the preening, the foot-stomping, the name-calling—is just the death rattle of their world of privilege. America is becoming, inexorably, a place where white males are a minority, where their importance is diminished and they’re the ones who have to shout to be heard. Maybe a lengthy stint of irrelevancy will bring them to their senses, and they’ll grow some humanity.

Around The Web

Be respectful of our online community and contribute to an engaging conversation. We reserve the right to ban impersonators and remove comments that contain personal attacks, threats, or profanity, or are flat-out offensive. By posting here, you are permitting Philadelphia magazine and Metro Corp. to edit and republish your comment in all media.

  • Joe

    It’s not just women they are waging war against. The Rupublican money machine has a vendetta against the entire middle class. They won’t be happy until we are all their servants, and in the name of “saving America.” The wealthy founded this country at the risk of their fortunes, and many of them lost all. The current breed only wants to cut their own taxes and the incomes of the rest of us to a minimum.

  • Vickt Steinberg

    men are convenient when you need an escort to attend a dance.

  • Sandi

    Well said.

  • Sandi

    You couldn’t be more right.

  • Kathleen

    Excellent post on a timely – and worrying – topic.

  • http://www.brendancalling.com brendancalling

    this guy says “right on” to this article, and reminds vickt steinberg that the majority of men are actually pretty crappy dancers (including myself).

  • joanne

    I don’t understand how you in your heads it has become acceptable to degrade and generalize an entire group of Americans on one hand, in this case any white male who might have worked hard and has made $. While it remains completely unacceptable to take another group, i.e. black males and lump them all with criminals? You can’t have it both ways without being foolish. Stop the entire degrading of groups and focus on who is doing good or evil. Bill Gates should hide his head and feel ashamed of himself for working hard, making millions and shockingly using his money to create wealth for others. It is insulting to any hardworking white male who does his job and now needs to be ashamed of his success? Should every white male just give away his $ but rich black males are okay to keep theirs. And if males in general are so worthless and women so independent; why on the other hand is it ok for these same independent women to come back to the state to get $ to help them with welfare, $ for raising their fatherless children, aid to go to college, subsidized hosuing to shelter their family, etc. And where does this money come from for the independent women-oh any white male who makes too much $ must have put those women in that postition and needs to pay whatever amount of taxes others decide for him. Very twisted unfair philosophy. Why don’t we apply the same principles to all groups and concentrate on making good individual decisions.