Summer Fling or Long-Term Love?

Dear Monica,
During the summer I met a really cute guy. Now that the fall is coming I am not sure we are on stable ground any more. What are the red flags and how can I get things straightened out? —P.L. , Berwyn

Even though it’s still scorching out, things seem to be chilling in your personal life. Back in June and July your nights may have revolved around sexy banter at the bar at Tomatoe’s or intimate nights at the Chelsea. What happened to all those butterflies? Is a new level of comfort forming between you, or is your flame quickly losing interest?

SIGNS HE’S LOSING INTEREST (AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT)

All decked out with no plans: Even though the summer was packed with plans for concerts, dinners and party invites, the number of dates on the calendar seems to be dwindling. He hasn’t mentioned long-term plans and you’re scared to even bring up Thanksgiving for fear it will send him running in the other direction.
What to do: Be assertive. It is 2010. Take out your calendar and make plans. If he is at all iffy, move on.

No tech love: Text messages and flirty emails are becoming more and more infrequent, and suddenly there’s a lot of dead air.
What do do: You be the one to text message. Add some “sexting”  (no pics!) in there. If he does not respond to that, he is either without a pulse or not interested.

He wants to hang with his peeps: Lately, boys night out has become more than just a once in a while thing. And don’t even think about being asked to meet up with his entourage, he’s made it clear: No girls allowed.
What do do: Make plans with your girlfriends and tell him that he is not included. Either he will be bummed out or just let him hang with the guys. How old is he anyway??

You have nothing to talk about: Your once over-attentive boyfriend used to call a few times a day and could talk for hours. Now it’s hard to even carry on a brief conversation with him. Talking to you should be enjoyable.
What do do: While men may not always be the best at expressing their feelings, they do like to share what is on their minds. Whether it is an argument with a roommate or a play-by-play of last night’s Phillies game, he will reveal the things that are important to him with the one he loves.  Make sure to ask questions and express your interest in his day-to-day life even it is not something that you are dying to hear about. He is probably a baby and needs a lot of TLC.

Don’t ignore the red flags. Several factors can affect your loved one’s mood; however, if your relationship continues to cool down with the temperature, it’s time for a talk. After all you don’t want to be blindsided, and in this case ignorance is far from bliss. Take the bull by the horns. Plan a romantic evening. Cook him dinner. Light candles and set the mood. Either you are imagining his aloofness, or it will become clear that your relationship was just summer fun.

Monica Mandell, Ph.D. is the Director of the Philadelphia office of Selective Search, the premiere (off-line) upscale matchmaking firm for the most eligible singles.  Please send your questions to: monica@selectivesearch-inc.com